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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Cool the body first remove filterStruggling right now remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 4Five minutes 1Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for
Me 7A practitioner 7Someone I care about 5
Where you are right now · Struggling right now
Struggling right now 7Coping, mostly 2
On your own, or with someone
On my own 5Both of us together 2
Theme · Cool the body first
What anger actually is 9Cool the body first 7Feelings and focus 5Remembering to do it 5The fear underneath anger 4Choosing your response 4Treatment and medication 4Screens and attention 3Emotions as signals 3Equanimity and perspective 3When you go numb 3Practising under provocation 3Shame and stigma 3The moment before you snap 3Tolerate distress 3What ADHD actually is 3Your nervous system 2Shame 2Making it stick 2Your sense of time 1When anger turns to harm 1Bringing the future closer 1Grounding and settling 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Facing it a step at a time 1Breaking the worry loop 1Growing empathy 1
Approach
Body based 5Mindfulness 2
When · After a row
Under stress 19After a row 7Any ordinary day 3

If you feel yourself rising, sit down. It is the smallest instruction in the whole toolkit and often the one that works.

Standing tall with a raised voice tells your own body that a fight is on, and it tells the other person the same thing, so they brace and match you.…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 3:191

A sigh opens the chest and drops the guard for a second. That is part of why it feels like relief and part of why the other person softens too.

Anger holds the body braced: shoulders up, chest closed, everything protecting the middle. A sigh undoes some of that, and it is hard to keep the…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 94:1

In a hostile exchange, try a slow hmm instead of a reply. It sounds like someone thinking, and it puts a long out breath in the way of whatever you were about to say.

The sound we make when we are unsure is already in everyone's repertoire, and it reads as puzzlement rather than as a threat, so the other person has…

A minuteCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 50:39

If you notice a hard locked stare, in yourself or in the room, look away. Empty space is the safest thing to look at, because it says nothing back.

Two people staring each other down are feeding one another, and each second of it raises both of them. Breaking that needs no words, which matters,…

A minuteCool the body firstMindfulnessQur’an 20:130

Instead of shutting your eyes, let your gaze go soft and wide: the sky, the far wall, the space above someone's shoulder. Keep them open and let the focus loosen.

Closing your eyes in front of someone reads as walking out of the conversation, and it often makes things worse. A soft open gaze breaks the lock…

Five minutesCool the body firstMindfulnessQur’an 48:4

Shouting it out does not empty the tank. Going over it loudly, in your head or at somebody, tends to keep the anger topped up rather than draining it.

There is a difference between letting pressure out of the body and rehearsing the grievance. A walk, a swim, hard cleaning, prayer: all of that…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 89:27

Anger leaves fuel in the body with nowhere to go. Spend it on something physical, without replaying the argument while you do.

This is not getting it off your chest. The target is the surplus energy, so stairs, a brisk walk, or a hard ten minutes of almost anything will do…

Twenty minutesCool the body firstBody basedQur’an 28:73

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.