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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

342 practices
Twenty minutes remove filterAny ordinary day remove filterClear all
Area
Focus, starting, and ADHD 166Your body 63Anger 43Worry and anxiety 27Low mood and hard feelings 21Your marriage 18After harm 2Grief and loss 2
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 446Five minutes 973Twenty minutes 342Longer 133
Who it is written for
A practitioner 313Me 281Someone I care about 221My husband or wife 34
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 225Struggling right now 63Getting ready for something 54
On your own, or with someone
On my own 201Involves someone else 82Both of us together 59
Theme
Systems for daily life 28Moving your body 21Medication and how it works 20Get started 16Screens and attention 12Reading, numbers and learning differences 12What ADHD actually is 12Your nervous system 11Treatment and medication 11Getting assessed and diagnosed 10Your sense of time 9Food, caffeine and fuel 8The cost of avoiding 8Feelings and focus 8Exercise, food and other supports 8What anger actually is 8Bringing the future closer 7Touch and bodywork 7Shared spiritual life 7Grounding and settling 6Breaking the worry loop 6Breathing 5Tolerate distress 5The moment before you snap 5The fear underneath anger 5When you use something to cope 5When everything feels flat 5Facing it a step at a time 4When anger turns to harm 4Righteous anger and perfectionism 4Shame and stigma 4Being seen and judged 3Emotions as signals 3Remembering to do it 3Use your strengths 3Structure and routine 3Growing empathy 3Practising under provocation 3Knowing your partner 3Rituals of connection 3Obsessions and compulsions 2Shame 2Repair after rupture 2Rebuilding trust 2Posture and how you carry yourself 2What worry does 2Making it stick 2Feeling from the inside 2Equanimity and perspective 2Cool the body first 2Choosing your response 2Anger, alcohol and the body 2Rest and pacing 1Answering bids 1What you are actually defending 1Care for yourself in loss 1Safety and grounding 1Treatment and medication 1Living with uncertainty 1Keep the bond 1Listen to the body 1Question the thought 1
Approach
ADHD skills 104Medical and treatment 76Core 44CBT 39Body based 32Gottman 13Mindfulness 11Emotionally focused 7Trauma informed 5DBT skills 5Narrative 2Parts work 2Grief 2
When · Any ordinary day
Any ordinary day 342Under stress 50In a change 27After a row 25Coming and going 16When apart 4Something good 2

When someone introduces themselves as an abuser, take the word seriously without treating it as the finding. A label names a category of offence, not what is actually going on in them.

Some people arrive with the language of a programme or a court already fitted to them, and it closes down the question of what drives the behaviour…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 3:135

Some of what a person does to a partner is not defence and not temper. It is a script they watched at home, absorbed as ordinary, and never once held up to the light.

The tell is that it does not feel like a decision. There was no rush of heat and no sense of crossing a line, because at some level this is simply…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:19

Ask whether the anger is really about this person at all, or whether it is contempt for a whole category of people that happens to have someone standing nearby.

It sounds different once you listen for it. The complaints come out in the plural, about how women are or what wives do, and the particular person in…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 16:90

If the harm has only ever happened when someone had been drinking, the drinking is not the background to an anger problem. It is the anger problem.

Families often know this long before anyone says it aloud: he is fine, except. Go through it honestly, every incident, drunk or sober, and if…

Twenty minutesWhen anger turns to harmCoreQur’an 4:29

Hormones are part of this for everyone, not only for men and not only in adolescence. If your flares seem to arrive with a rhythm, that rhythm is worth writing down.

Episodes that look random from close up often turn out to have a shape once there is a record of them: a point in a monthly cycle, a change of…

Twenty minutesAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 32:9

Anger has a chemistry of its own. There is nothing to pour down the sink and nobody to stop selling it to you, which is why letting it go feels like losing something rather than putting something down.

The lift is real. Heat, clarity, energy, a body that suddenly knows exactly what to do. Take that away and leave a gap where it was, and within a…

Twenty minutesAnger, alcohol and the bodyMedical and treatmentQur’an 13:28

If anger runs on the fear system, then the things that settle fear are worth trying on anger: staying in the room a bit longer, letting your body come down before you speak, going back over the story you told yourself about what was happening.

Most anger advice is about clamping down, and clamping down on something frightened rarely holds for long. Treating it as fear gives you gentler…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:68

Think of the reaction as a small program sitting quietly, waiting for one particular condition. It is not running all the time, and which condition wakes it is a question with an answer.

Keep a short list for a few weeks. Only what was happening in the ten seconds before: a tone of voice, being interrupted, somebody standing over you…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerTrauma informedQur’an 30:8

Triggers come in different kinds. Some are about life and limb, some are things you learned to dread such as criticism or being shown up, and some are abstractions like unfairness. What helps depends on which kind you are dealing with.

Real danger needs a plan and usually other people, not a breathing exercise. A learned dread tends to ease by going near it more often in small doses…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 20:112

Some of the fights you take up for other people are your own old fight, unfinished, borrowed onto somebody else's ground.

The signs are recognisable: the heat is out of proportion, you cannot let it go afterwards, and the person you were defending never asked you to.…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 28:10

Ask what has been done to this person, not only what they have done. Old harm decides which ordinary things now register as a threat.

Reactions that look wildly out of proportion usually are not, once you know what the moment resembled. A hand raised near a face, a certain tone,…

Twenty minutesThe fear underneath angerCoreQur’an 33:58

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2

Getting a child back through the gates is not the same as helping them. Ask what the school day is asking of them that they cannot face yet, and put your effort there.

Attendance is easy to count, which is why plans get built around it. A plan that only presses for attendance leaves the frightening thing exactly…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 13:11

Most of these stories begin with one of four things: a change, a person, an assessment, or a loss. Working out which one tells you what the fear is really about.

A new school, a timetable that split them from their friends, someone who made the corridor unsafe, an exam, a long illness, a death at home, a…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 6:59

Before choosing a method, work out what the avoiding is doing for the person. Two children keeping away from the same building can need opposite things.

A technique that sounds right is not the same as one aimed at whatever is holding the problem in place. Ask what the hours at home actually contain,…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 17:36

With an older teenager the pull is often not fear at all. The day at home is better: sleep, screens, and friends who are also not going.

Anxiety work goes nowhere against this, because there is little anxiety left to work on. What changes it is the shape of the day, with the good…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 53:39

Whoever is standing in the hall at half past seven needs to understand the trap as well as the child does. A plan agreed on a Tuesday afternoon will not survive a Wednesday morning otherwise.

In the moment it is happening, a parent is not weighing up what gets learned over a term. They are trying to end the distress in front of them, and…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 20:114

Staff who think a child is playing them will respond in ways that make school worse. A short explanation of how avoidance actually works changes what happens in the corridor.

Explain the pattern rather than the pupil: the relief that follows getting out of something, and the way that relief quietly books the next absence.…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 17:36

You cannot outbid a bedroom with unlimited gaming and a free afternoon. Free access has to shrink before an earned version means anything at all.

With an older teenager this goes better as a conversation about arrangements than about character: the wifi and the console sit behind the school…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 6:35

A chart imposed on a fifteen year old will be beaten, ignored or fought. Agree the terms with them instead, in a conversation where they can genuinely change something.

Ask what they think would help, what they would want in return, and what feels unfair about the current version. You are not handing over the goal,…

Twenty minutesThe cost of avoidingCBTQur’an 53:28

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.