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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

10 practices
Emotions as signals remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterAny ordinary day remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 3Five minutes 5Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for
A practitioner 10My husband or wife 10Me 5Someone I care about 5
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Coping, mostly 10Struggling right now 3
On your own, or with someone
Both of us together 4On my own 4Involves someone else 2
Theme · Emotions as signals
Medication and how it works 97Systems for daily life 69Getting assessed and diagnosed 54Your nervous system 47Get started 47Moving your body 43Exercise, food and other supports 40Treatment and medication 39Your sense of time 37What anger actually is 37Bringing the future closer 36Touch and bodywork 30What ADHD actually is 28Screens and attention 26Equanimity and perspective 26The moment before you snap 25Growing empathy 25When everything feels flat 25Structure and routine 25Choosing your response 24Food, caffeine and fuel 23Feelings and focus 23What worry does 22Grounding and settling 21Knowing your partner 20The fear underneath anger 20Treatment and medication 20The cost of avoiding 19Breathing 18Being seen and judged 16Shared spiritual life 16Practising under provocation 15Making it stick 15Fondness and admiration 14Breaking the worry loop 14Righteous anger and perfectionism 13Remembering to do it 13Shame and stigma 13What you are actually defending 13Answering bids 12Staying regulated in conflict 11Listening and understanding 10When you use something to cope 10Emotions as signals 10Feeling from the inside 10Reading, numbers and learning differences 10Gratitude 9Affection and touch 7Use your strengths 7Rituals of connection 7When anger turns to harm 6Self-compassion 6Cool the body first 6Obsessions and compulsions 5Rebuilding trust 5Tolerate distress 5Facing it a step at a time 5Anger, alcohol and the body 5Posture and how you carry yourself 4Notice the pattern and flex 3Your worth is not conditional 3Panic and the body 3Question the thought 3Repair after rupture 3Work with your brain 2Meaning after harm 2Act on your values 2Keep the bond 2Rest and pacing 2Get it out of your head 2Find meaning 2Face it gently 2Safety and grounding 1Shame 1Listen to the body 1Living with uncertainty 1When you go numb 1Care for yourself in loss 1Your window of tolerance 1
When · Any ordinary day
Any ordinary day 10After a row 6When apart 2Under stress 2

You do not need a long list of feeling words. Half a dozen you can actually reach for under pressure will do more than forty you have to look up.

Angry, sad, afraid, ashamed, surprised, glad is enough to start with, and most hard moments are some mixture of the first four. The aim is not to…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 91:8

If someone is saying so much that you have lost the thread, stop them kindly and check. Sorry, that is a lot and it matters, can I say back what I have got so far.

It feels rude and it is usually received as the opposite, because it says the words were worth keeping. Listening while quietly drowning helps…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 8:24

When someone goes quiet and you can see they have gone inside, that is not your moment to help. Stay still and let the silence run.

You will feel the pull to summarise, to check they are alright, to bring the other person back in. All of it lands as an interruption. Give it a few…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16

You cannot ask for something you cannot feel the want of. Before working out how to say it, spend a minute finding what you actually need.

This is why advice to communicate better so often goes nowhere. The words come out tidy and land as nothing, because there was no felt need inside…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 26:13

When someone pours out a lot at once, catch the two or three words carrying the weight and give those back to them, in order.

You said you felt cold in your own house, and like a nuisance. Nothing added, nothing solved. It sounds almost too simple, and it does the thing a…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 30:21

Let what they say land in you before you answer. The word that catches somewhere in your own chest is usually the live one.

Cold. Empty. A nuisance. Take each one for a second rather than sailing past it to the reply. Then give back the one that carried the charge, and you…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

If all you can say is that you want to get away, that is already information. Nobody moves away from nothing, so somewhere in there is something that felt hard.

You do not need to know what it is yet. Hold the smaller version for a while: something here is difficult, and the pulling back is how I have been…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 91:8

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

Take one episode from this week and give it five lines: what set it off, how you read it, what happened in your body, what you took it to mean, and what you wanted to do.

Doing this with an actual event, rather than in general, is what makes it useful. Keep the lines short and resist tidying them into something more…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

You cannot taste food you are eating fast. Feeling works the same way, so slow the pace until there is something to actually notice.

In practice that means one sentence at a time, with a pause after it, and questions like what happened in you just then. Both of you will want to…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 13:28

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.