Practices

Have three or four openers ready before you need them. For what it is worth. Can I run something by you. You might not like this, so give me the benefit of the doubt.

When you are stirred up you will not compose diplomatic language on the spot, so the phrases have to be picked in advance and worn in. Say them aloud…

Whatever line you plan to use on yourself in a hard moment, say it in your own words rather than tidy ones. Polished phrasing tends to evaporate exactly when you need it.

If your inner voice is blunt, let the line be blunt. A therapist working this way will sometimes ask for the crude version of a coping phrase instead…

Run the same moment twice. The second time, change nothing except what you do with it, and let yourself not mind what the other person might be thinking.

Keeping the situation identical is the point, because then the only thing that moved was you. In a session that means the same silence and the same…