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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

6 practices
Staying regulated in conflict remove filterFive minutes remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
How long you have · Five minutes
A minute 12Five minutes 6Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for
My husband or wife 6Me 6
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 3On my own 3
Theme · Staying regulated in conflict
Touch and bodywork 17Grounding and settling 15Your nervous system 13The moment before you snap 10Breathing 8Feelings and focus 8Cool the body first 8Feeling from the inside 7When anger turns to harm 6Staying regulated in conflict 6The fear underneath anger 5Choosing your response 5Tolerate distress 5Breaking the worry loop 5Moving your body 4What anger actually is 4The cost of avoiding 4Medication and how it works 4Equanimity and perspective 4Question the thought 3Listening and understanding 3Obsessions and compulsions 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3What worry does 3Getting assessed and diagnosed 3Facing it a step at a time 3Systems for daily life 2Exercise, food and other supports 2Practising under provocation 2Screens and attention 2Self-compassion 2Shame 2Shame and stigma 2Structure and routine 2Treatment and medication 2Knowing your partner 2Get started 2Growing empathy 2When everything feels flat 2When you use something to cope 2Let the wave come 1Letting it out safely 1Your sense of time 1Calm the body 1Emotions as signals 1Food, caffeine and fuel 1Rest and pacing 1Working with anger 1Rebuild trust 1Making it stick 1What you are actually defending 1Righteous anger and perfectionism 1
Approach
Gottman 4Emotionally focused 2
When · Under stress
Under stress 6After a row 1Any ordinary day 1Coming and going 1

When it heats up today, slow everything down: your voice, your breath, your pace.

Speed is the fuel of a fight. Halve your tempo and the heat drops with it.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 7:199

If you are the critical one, risk the soft feeling under the anger and ask, gently, for what you need instead of attacking.

Criticism is often a protest from someone who feels alone and unmet. Softening, letting your partner see the hurt beneath the sharpness and asking…

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:128

When you feel flooded today, name it and take a real break before you say a word.

Racing heart, tight chest, that is the signal. Step away, breathe, come back when steady.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 7:199

On a break, do not rehearse how wronged you are. Let the grievance go and let your body settle.

Thoughts like I do not have to take this keep you flooded. Turn to something calming instead.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 13:28

On a stuck, recurring fight, stop trying to persuade. First explore the dream or value behind each position.

Gridlock rarely yields to argument. Set persuasion aside and get curious about what the issue means to each of you.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 3:159

Before you try to persuade, summarize your partner's position back until they say yes, that is it.

No persuasion lands until your partner feels understood. Interview them, then reflect their view to their satisfaction.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 16:125

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.