Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

4 practices

Choosing your response Twenty minutes Clear all

How long you have · Twenty minutes

A minute 36 Five minutes 35 Twenty minutes 4 Longer 6

Who it is written for

Me 4 A practitioner 4 My husband or wife 3 Someone I care about 1

Where you are right now

Struggling right now 2 Coping, mostly 1 Getting ready for something 1

On your own, or with someone

On my own 3 Both of us together 1

Theme · Choosing your response

Systems for daily life 38 Medication and how it works 30 Moving your body 26 Treatment and medication 19 Screens and attention 18 Getting assessed and diagnosed 17 Get started 17 What ADHD actually is 17 Feelings and focus 16 The cost of avoiding 15 Your nervous system 14 Reading, numbers and learning differences 14 Food, caffeine and fuel 11 Exercise, food and other supports 10 Your sense of time 10 What anger actually is 10 Bringing the future closer 9 The moment before you snap 8 Touch and bodywork 8 Shared spiritual life 7 Grounding and settling 6 Cool the body first 6 The fear underneath anger 6 Emotions as signals 6 Breaking the worry loop 6 Shame 6 Tolerate distress 6 Breathing 5 Staying regulated in conflict 5 When everything feels flat 5 Facing it a step at a time 5 Remembering to do it 5 When you use something to cope 5 Shame and stigma 5 Righteous anger and perfectionism 4 Rituals of connection 4 Growing empathy 4 Being seen and judged 4 Choosing your response 4 When anger turns to harm 4 Repair after rupture 4 What worry does 4 Practising under provocation 3 Rebuilding trust 3 Structure and routine 3 Anger, alcohol and the body 3 Use your strengths 3 Knowing your partner 3 Making it stick 3 Equanimity and perspective 3 Feeling from the inside 2 Obsessions and compulsions 2 Posture and how you carry yourself 2 Answering bids 2 Letting it out safely 2 Living with uncertainty 1 Treatment and medication 1 Safety and grounding 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Rest and pacing 1 Question the thought 1 Keep the bond 1 What you are actually defending 1 Listen to the body 1

Approach

Gottman 3 Core 1

When

Any ordinary day 2 Under stress 2

Some triggers make no sense because the memory attached to them is long gone while the alarm is still wired in. A tone of voice, a particular shirt, the smell of dinner burning.

If you find yourself furious out of all proportion, look at the features rather than the story. What did that moment sound like, look like, feel like…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 41:36

A break only counts if you come back. Notice the anger, leave the room, actually settle yourself, then return and finish the conversation.

Most people manage the leaving and skip the settling, so they spend twenty minutes rehearsing their case and come back more wound up than when they…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 2:153

You may need to leave and come back two or three times before one conversation is finished. That is normal, not a sign that the skill is not working.

Bodies come down slowly. You can feel steady enough to return, sit down, hear one sentence and be right back at the top again. Knowing that in…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:186

Set the terms of a break while nobody is angry: what you will say, how long you will take, where you will go, and that you will not drive. Then it is a shared arrangement rather than something you do to the other person.

Leaving can be used as a weapon. Two days of silence, walking out while someone is crying, driving off into the night: all of that can wear the…

Twenty minutesChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 3:159

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.