Focus, starting, and ADHD

Think of ADHD as sitting at the centre of an onion. Poor sleep, sleep apnoea, low vitamin levels, allergy, ongoing pain, untreated anxiety or low mood all sit in layers around it, and each one makes the centre look worse than it is.

This explains something that otherwise looks strange: treatments that do nothing whatever for ADHD can still make a real difference, because they…

When a child with ADHD and a parent get stuck in daily rows, the rows themselves start doing damage. Getting the ADHD properly managed early takes some heat out of those exchanges before defiance settles in as a habit.

The chain people worry about runs from constant friction at home to entrenched defiance, and from there to difficulties in the teenage years that are…

The most convincing programme for teenagers does the obvious thing. It runs at school, twice a week, so nobody has to be driven anywhere: homework systems, organisation, some social practice and sport, in the place where the trouble actually happens.

By the teenage years the leverage parents had is thinning, and a clinic appointment is the first thing to fall off the week. Putting the help inside…

Paying someone to help sort the house will not mend the marriage. It will remove one of the things you fight about most weeks, and that counts for more than it sounds.

Nobody should pretend this reaches anything deep. The point is arithmetic. A couple has a certain number of rows in them, and if the living room is…

People who are sleeping properly, eating properly and moving a bit tend to want each other more. The unglamorous parts of life management run closer to the bedroom than either of you might expect.

It is worth saying out loud when desire has quietly gone from a marriage, because the usual explanations reach for something heavier: he has lost…