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Your marriage

What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.

Narrowed down

24 practices

Answering bids Clear all

Theme · Answering bids

Staying regulated in conflict 65 Knowing your partner 25 Answering bids 24 Repair after rupture 19 Shared spiritual life 17 Fondness and admiration 15 Affection and touch 15 Rebuilding trust 14 Listening and understanding 13 Rituals of connection 13 Gratitude 9

How long you have

A minute 22 Twenty minutes 2

Approach

Emotionally focused 10 Core 7 Gottman 7

When

Any ordinary day 12 Under stress 9 Something good 3

Before you respond, say back what you heard them mean.

Being understood, even before being agreed with, settles almost everything.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2