Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
Let them tell the good story twice.
Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The believer is to the believer, the Prophet ﷺ said, like a building whose parts hold one another up. Sharing a joy and being met in it is one of those supports.
وَمِنۡ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنۡ أَنفُسِكُمۡ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا لِّتَسۡكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُم مَّوَدَّةࣰ وَرَحۡمَةًۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَأٓيَٰتࣲ لِّقَوۡمࣲ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Another of His signs is that He created spouses from among yourselves for you to live with in tranquillity: He ordained love and kindness between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect
Qur’an 30:21read it in the library
Abu Musa Al-Ash'arf narrated that the Messenger of Allah said:: The believer is to the believer like parts of a building, each one of them supporting the other
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1928graded sound, albanifull report
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
How you answer good news matters more than how you answer bad. Genuine, curious delight in their win does more for the bond than sympathy in hard times.
Gable, S.L.; Reis, H.T.; Impett, E.A.; Asher, E.R. (2004). What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Shari. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Capitalization: only active-constructive responding produces benefit.
Gable, S.; Gonzaga, G.; Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Responses to good news predict relationship satisfaction and longevity.
Strength of evidence: research links. Replicated observational or longitudinal work.
Why it works
Curious, active responses to good news build love more than support in hard times.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward Instead of Away.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.