Areas › Focus, starting, and ADHD › Systems for daily life
Difficult things come out more easily when your hands are occupied and you are not looking straight at the other person. Walk side by side, drive somewhere, wash up together, keep the sewing going.
If you are the one listening, offer it first. Most people assume that picking something up would look rude or half interested, so they sit still and say less. If you are the one with something to say, choose the setting on purpose instead of sitting down face to face and waiting for the words to arrive. Expect it to come out in pieces with long gaps, and let the gaps be there.
Qur’an and Sunnah
You were gentle in your dealings with them (Quran 3:159). How a conversation is arranged is part of its gentleness, not a detail underneath it.
فَبِمَا رَحۡمَةࣲ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمۡۖ وَلَوۡ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلۡقَلۡبِ لَٱنفَضُّواْ مِنۡ حَوۡلِكَۖ فَٱعۡفُ عَنۡهُمۡ وَٱسۡتَغۡفِرۡ لَهُمۡ وَشَاوِرۡهُمۡ فِي ٱلۡأَمۡرِۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمۡتَ فَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلۡمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
By an act of mercy from God, you [Prophet] were gentle in your dealings with them- had you been harsh, or hard-hearted, they would have dispersed and left you- so pardon them and ask forgiveness for them. Consult with them about matters, then, when you have decided on a course of action, put your trust in God: God loves those who put their trust in Him
Qur’an 3:159read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
An open study of 43 adults tried a talking therapy adapted for attention difficulties alongside medication and found it workable, with people improving over the course of it. There was no comparison group, so the improvement cannot be laid at the therapy's door. What it does illustrate is the adaptation itself: the usual form of the session gets altered to suit the person in it, which is all that allowing movement or handwork amounts to.
Rostain AL, Ramsay JR. (2006). A combined treatment approach for adults with ADHD--results of an open study of 43 patients.. Journal of attention disorders doi
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Having something to do with your hands takes the pressure out of being looked at, which leaves room for the hard part to be said.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.
Near this one
Let the child score themselves on the same sheet the teacher scores. Two columns, filled in separately, then looked at together.
An hour exists somewhere in the week for almost anything. That is what makes yes so easy, and it is not the same as having an hour.
Score each target from one to five rather than done or not done, and have the teacher say a word about it and initial the sheet before the child leaves the room.