Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
Recall out loud a moment you were proud of your spouse, and tell them so.
That thing you did last year, I still think about it. Bring the good memory into today.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The servants of the Merciful pray, our Lord, give us joy in our spouses (Qur'an 25:74). Naming a proud memory is that joy, spoken.
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنࣲ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
those who pray, ‘Our Lord, give us joy in our spouses and offspring. Make us good examples to those who are aware of You’
Qur’an 25:74read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Couples who nurture their good memories stay warm. Speaking a proud memory aloud pulls the past's warmth into the present.
John Mordechai Gottman; Nan Silver (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work
Lay presentation of the Gottman Method: Love Maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, accepting influence, solvable vs perpetual problems, shared meaning.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Rehearsing positive memories strengthens the couple's shared story and fondness.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.