Areas › Your marriage › Answering bids
In one decision today, let your spouse's view actually change yours.
Not conceding for peace. Finding the part of what they say that is right, and yielding to it.
Qur’an and Sunnah
The believers conduct their affairs by mutual consultation (Qur'an 42:38). Shared counsel is the Qur'an's own model of decision.
وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسۡتَجَابُواْ لِرَبِّهِمۡ وَأَقَامُواْ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمۡرُهُمۡ شُورَىٰ بَيۡنَهُمۡ وَمِمَّا رَزَقۡنَٰهُمۡ يُنفِقُونَ
respond to their Lord; keep up the prayer; conduct their affairs by mutual consultation; give to others out of what We have provided for them
Qur’an 42:38read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Partners who refuse to share power are far more likely to split. Letting your spouse move you is not a loss, it is the ground trust grows in.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: research links. Replicated observational or longitudinal work.
Why it works
Accepting influence signals respect and predicts a more stable bond.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Turn Toward Instead of Away.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.