Areas › Your marriage › Gratitude
Catch your partner doing something right, and thank them for it, specifically, on the spot.
Notice the small good things and say thanks. Appreciation given often keeps goodwill flowing.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Be thankful to Me, and never ungrateful (Quran 2:152). Gratitude to God overflows into gratitude to the people He gave you.
فَٱذۡكُرُونِيٓ أَذۡكُرۡكُمۡ وَٱشۡكُرُواْ لِي وَلَا تَكۡفُرُونِ
So remember Me; I will remember you. Be thankful to Me, and never ungrateful
Qur’an 2:152read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Catching a partner doing something right and thanking them for it, rather than only noticing lapses, builds a reservoir of goodwill that carries a couple through conflict.
Gottman, J.; Coan, J.; Carrere, S.; Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting Marital Happiness and Stability from Newlywed Interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family doi
Newlywed interaction patterns; accepting influence; soft start-up.
Strength of evidence: one line of research. A single study, or a theoretical account.
Why it works
Frequent, specific thanks for small acts reinforces them and deepens mutual goodwill.
Where this sits: Gottman method, The Positive Perspective (catch your partner getting it right).
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.