Practices
Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.
Narrowed down
4 practicesHow long you have · Twenty minutes
Who it is written for
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone · Both of us together
Approach · Emotionally focused
Emptying the feeling out at somebody does not shift it, and being told what to do instead skips over it. What changes things is feeling it with someone who stays.
You can tell the difference from the inside. Venting has a rehearsed quality, the same phrases coming round again with the heat kept up. Advice…
You cannot taste food you are eating fast. Feeling works the same way, so slow the pace until there is something to actually notice.
In practice that means one sentence at a time, with a pause after it, and questions like what happened in you just then. Both of you will want to…
When you are trying to reach a feeling, stay with the actual sentence that caused it rather than paraphrasing it into something milder.
She said you are too difficult. Said again, gently, it keeps the moment alive in the room instead of turning it into a memory being reported.…
A friend or a counsellor telling you that you are not a monster helps, and it only takes you so far. The shame usually sits with one particular person, and it eases most when that person hears the thing and stays.
So aim a disclosure carefully rather than widely. Choose the person the shame is actually about, pick a moment with room in it, and say the small…
Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.