Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices

Emotions as signals A practitioner Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have

A minute 2 Five minutes 5

Who it is written for · A practitioner

My husband or wife 7 A practitioner 7 Someone I care about 4 Me 3

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 5 Struggling right now 2

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 12 Both of us together 11 Involves someone else 7

Theme · Emotions as signals

Medication and how it works 61 Systems for daily life 37 The cost of avoiding 35 Screens and attention 26 Moving your body 21 Treatment and medication 19 Exercise, food and other supports 15 What ADHD actually is 13 What anger actually is 12 Breaking the worry loop 11 Feelings and focus 11 Structure and routine 10 Your nervous system 10 What worry does 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 10 Facing it a step at a time 10 Getting assessed and diagnosed 10 Your sense of time 10 The moment before you snap 9 Grounding and settling 9 Bringing the future closer 8 Get started 7 Breathing 7 Choosing your response 7 Cool the body first 7 Emotions as signals 7 Growing empathy 7 Equanimity and perspective 7 When everything feels flat 7 Treatment and medication 7 Reading, numbers and learning differences 6 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Shame and stigma 5 When you use something to cope 5 Tolerate distress 4 Touch and bodywork 4 Remembering to do it 4 Being seen and judged 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Practising under provocation 3 Panic and the body 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 Making it stick 3 Rest and pacing 2 The fear underneath anger 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Shame 2 Living with uncertainty 1 When you go numb 1

When

After a row 4 Any ordinary day 2 Under stress 1

Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.

Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

When someone goes quiet and you can see they have gone inside, that is not your moment to help. Stay still and let the silence run.

You will feel the pull to summarise, to check they are alright, to bring the other person back in. All of it lands as an interruption. Give it a few…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.

A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.

A long, careful summary can flatten what someone has just risked saying. If the heart of it is that he feels defeated and frightened of never being…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.