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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

69 practices
Involves someone else remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Area
Your marriage 29Focus, starting, and ADHD 16Anger 15Low mood and hard feelings 6Yourself and your limits 1Worry and anxiety 1Your body 1
How long you have
A minute 19Five minutes 39Twenty minutes 10Longer 1
Who it is written for
Me 54My husband or wife 44A practitioner 35Someone I care about 31
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 51Struggling right now 18
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 107Involves someone else 69Both of us together 34
Theme
Staying regulated in conflict 11Repair after rupture 9Rebuilding trust 8What anger actually is 6Screens and attention 6Emotions as signals 4Remembering to do it 3Practising under provocation 2What ADHD actually is 2Choosing your response 2Equanimity and perspective 2Your sense of time 2Tolerate distress 1Treatment and medication 1Validate yourself and others 1Bringing the future closer 1Affection and touch 1Breaking the worry loop 1Righteous anger and perfectionism 1What you are actually defending 1Shame 1The moment before you snap 1Moving your body 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1
Approach
Gottman 18Emotionally focused 15Core 13ADHD skills 12CBT 7DBT skills 2Body based 1Mindfulness 1
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 384Under stress 93After a row 69In a change 35Coming and going 34When apart 7Something good 3

A forgotten item in a bag is not a plan. Rules that treat the presence of something as proof of intent fall hardest on people who cannot reliably remember what is in their pockets.

If you are arguing a case like this at a school or a workplace, say plainly that remembering to do something later is one of the areas ADHD affects…

Twenty minutesWhat ADHD actually isADHD skillsQur’an 20:115

Most outbursts are a last try at getting something across. Underneath the noise there is usually a need that has gone unmet for a long time.

It rarely arrives as a message, though. It arrives as volume, and the other person hears the volume and misses the content entirely. Treating it as a…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 20:86

Holding anger in does not hide it. It comes out in the face, the shoulders and the shortness of your answers, and the person opposite reads all of it.

This is why gritted politeness so often makes things worse rather than better. They can feel something and now they cannot ask about it. Saying the…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 3:159

You can take somebody's fire seriously without approving of what they did with it. Both halves have to be there.

Drop the first half and you get a lecture nobody listens to. Drop the second and you end up admiring something that hurt people. Said properly it…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 12:53

Defence starts at a boundary. When anger flares, something has been read as crossing a line, so the question worth asking is which line.

The answer is often smaller and clearer than the reaction: being spoken over, being made to look stupid in front of someone, having your time taken…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Being late on purpose, the joke with an edge, the job done just badly enough: that is anger at full strength, only sent by a quieter route.

People who do this often say honestly that they never get angry, and they believe it, because what they are picturing is shouting. The feeling is all…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263

Anger feels righteous while it lasts. The useful moment comes later, when the regret shows up and the story has gone quiet.

Nobody changes course mid-shout, and pressing then only adds fuel. Hours or a day afterwards there is usually a stretch where a person is…

Twenty minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 21:87

Say what you would prefer and what you will do, not what they have to feel. I do not like being spoken to this way, and if it carries on I am going to step out of the conversation.

The difference is small and it changes everything. A demand needs their cooperation to succeed, so it can be refused, and being refused is where the…

Five minutesWhat you are actually defendingCoreQur’an 42:41

Sourness, shutting down, snapping at everyone: these are as often worry as they are attitude. The person is not giving you a hard time, they are having one.

This matters because of what happens next. Read it as rudeness and the house responds with punishment, which adds to the load that produced the…

Five minutesBreaking the worry loopCBTQur’an 41:36

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.