Practices
Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.
Narrowed down
7 practicesHow long you have
Who it is written for
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
Theme · Emotions as signals
Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.
Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…
When someone goes quiet and you can see they have gone inside, that is not your moment to help. Stay still and let the silence run.
You will feel the pull to summarise, to check they are alright, to bring the other person back in. All of it lands as an interruption. Give it a few…
When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.
The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…
Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.
A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…
Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.
Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…
If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.
Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…
You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.
A long, careful summary can flatten what someone has just risked saying. If the heart of it is that he feels defeated and frightened of never being…
There is more about low mood and hard feelings than the practices: the low mood and hard feelings area has the themes and the courses too.