Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

5 practices

Emotions as signals Five minutes Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have · Five minutes

A minute 2 Five minutes 5

Who it is written for

A practitioner 5 My husband or wife 5 Someone I care about 3 Me 2

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 3 Struggling right now 2

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 7 Both of us together 7 Involves someone else 5

Theme · Emotions as signals

Medication and how it works 43 The cost of avoiding 15 Screens and attention 13 Systems for daily life 12 What anger actually is 10 Rebuilding trust 8 Bringing the future closer 8 Your nervous system 8 What ADHD actually is 8 Your sense of time 8 Moving your body 8 Exercise, food and other supports 8 What worry does 7 Knowing your partner 7 Treatment and medication 7 Facing it a step at a time 7 Remembering to do it 6 Breaking the worry loop 6 Listening and understanding 5 Feelings and focus 5 Choosing your response 5 When everything feels flat 5 Staying regulated in conflict 5 Cool the body first 5 Emotions as signals 5 Equanimity and perspective 5 Structure and routine 4 When you use something to cope 4 The moment before you snap 4 Growing empathy 3 Rituals of connection 3 Shared spiritual life 3 Tolerate distress 3 Touch and bodywork 3 Reading, numbers and learning differences 3 Getting assessed and diagnosed 3 Food, caffeine and fuel 3 Being seen and judged 2 Grounding and settling 2 Get started 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Panic and the body 2 Shame and stigma 2 Shame 2 Treatment and medication 2 Practising under provocation 1 Posture and how you carry yourself 1 Feeling from the inside 1 Rest and pacing 1 Breathing 1 Repair after rupture 1 Obsessions and compulsions 1 Affection and touch 1 Living with uncertainty 1 Making it stick 1 Help someone grieving 1 When you go numb 1 What you are actually defending 1 The fear underneath anger 1 Ask and say no well 1

When

After a row 4 Any ordinary day 1

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.

A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.

A long, careful summary can flatten what someone has just risked saying. If the heart of it is that he feels defeated and frightened of never being…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.