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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Repair after rupture remove filterA minute remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 7Five minutes 1Twenty minutes 3
Who it is written for
Me 7My husband or wife 7
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
Involves someone else 7On my own 6
Theme · Repair after rupture
Staying regulated in conflict 14Affection and touch 12Systems for daily life 10Answering bids 9The cost of avoiding 9Listening and understanding 7Medication and how it works 7Grounding and settling 7Repair after rupture 7Treatment and medication 5Knowing your partner 5The moment before you snap 5Structure and routine 4Breathing 4Rituals of connection 4Rebuilding trust 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3Moving your body 3Fondness and admiration 2Gratitude 2Treatment and medication 2Equanimity and perspective 2Making it stick 2Food, caffeine and fuel 2Cool the body first 2Choosing your response 2When everything feels flat 2What anger actually is 2Emotions as signals 2Practising under provocation 2Your sense of time 2Feelings and focus 1Feeling from the inside 1Bringing the future closer 1Being seen and judged 1Ask and say no well 1Validate yourself and others 1Exercise, food and other supports 1The fear underneath anger 1Safety and grounding 1Screens and attention 1Shame and stigma 1Shared spiritual life 1Help someone grieving 1Tolerate distress 1Touch and bodywork 1Obsessions and compulsions 1What you are actually defending 1Breaking the worry loop 1Your nervous system 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Get started 1
Approach
Gottman 4Emotionally focused 2Core 1
When
After a row 6Under stress 1

Offer your spouse one clear reassurance today: I am here, we are okay.

When they wobble, say the steadying thing plainly rather than assuming they know.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:40

After a fight cools today, say the reconnecting thing: we are still okay.

The fight can leave a quiet fear. Naming that you are still solid puts it to rest.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 49:10

Make one repair attempt in the middle of a disagreement: a softer word, a small joke, a hand.

The couples who last are not those who never fight, but those who reach for each other mid-fight.

A minuteRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 49:10

When you process a fight, share how you felt, gently, without yet saying why.

Name the feeling, aloud, and leave the case for later. Do not comment on your partner's feelings.

A minuteRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 20:44

Describe your own reality with I heard you say, not you said. Leave room to be corrected.

Report only what you saw, heard, and felt, like a reporter, not what you think they meant.

A minuteRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 49:12

End by each naming one thing you can do differently next time, and be agreeable to your partner's idea.

One concrete plan each, offered and accepted, turns a fight into something you both learn from.

A minuteRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 49:10

Own your share of the fight, even a small part. Say what set you up and what you regret.

I was stressed, I was short, I did not listen. Taking responsibility is the fastest road to repair.

A minuteRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 4:135

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.