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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

8 practices
What anger actually is remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 2Five minutes 6
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7Someone I care about 6Me 5My husband or wife 3
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
Coping, mostly 8Struggling right now 3Getting ready for something 2
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 45Involves someone else 8Both of us together 7
Theme · What anger actually is
Medication and how it works 34Systems for daily life 24Staying regulated in conflict 24The cost of avoiding 20Moving your body 16Knowing your partner 15Rebuilding trust 14Affection and touch 13Exercise, food and other supports 13Listening and understanding 12Screens and attention 12Repair after rupture 11Answering bids 11Rituals of connection 11Shared spiritual life 10Bringing the future closer 8What anger actually is 8Feelings and focus 8Your nervous system 8Treatment and medication 7Breaking the worry loop 7What ADHD actually is 7Structure and routine 7Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Your sense of time 7What worry does 6Equanimity and perspective 6Growing empathy 6Food, caffeine and fuel 5Get started 5Emotions as signals 5Breathing 4When everything feels flat 4Treatment and medication 4When you use something to cope 4Grounding and settling 4Choosing your response 3The moment before you snap 3Facing it a step at a time 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3What you are actually defending 2Gratitude 2Obsessions and compulsions 2The fear underneath anger 2Panic and the body 2Remembering to do it 2Shame and stigma 2Tolerate distress 2Touch and bodywork 2Reading, numbers and learning differences 2Fondness and admiration 2Being seen and judged 2Ask and say no well 2Help someone grieving 2Safety and grounding 1Practising under provocation 1Posture and how you carry yourself 1Validate yourself and others 1Cool the body first 1Shame 1
When
After a row 4Under stress 2Any ordinary day 2

When somebody insists angrily that they do not care, they usually care a great deal. The heat is the giveaway.

Indifference does not raise its voice. Answer the words and you get an argument about whether they care. Answer the caring underneath and you often…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 17:11

Anger shown early sometimes stops things going further. A clear no at the start can prevent the whole conversation that would have ended much worse.

Plenty of people learned this the hard way and they are not wrong: visible anger draws a line, and lines get respected. What is worth adding is the…

A minuteWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Holding anger in does not hide it. It comes out in the face, the shoulders and the shortness of your answers, and the person opposite reads all of it.

This is why gritted politeness so often makes things worse rather than better. They can feel something and now they cannot ask about it. Saying the…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 3:159

Broad claims about which nations bottle it up and which let it fly are entertaining and close to useless for any actual person in front of you. Ask instead.

The question that earns its place is plain: what happened in your house when somebody got angry. Who was allowed to be loud, who had to go quiet,…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 3:159

You can take somebody's fire seriously without approving of what they did with it. Both halves have to be there.

Drop the first half and you get a lecture nobody listens to. Drop the second and you end up admiring something that hurt people. Said properly it…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 12:53

Defence starts at a boundary. When anger flares, something has been read as crossing a line, so the question worth asking is which line.

The answer is often smaller and clearer than the reaction: being spoken over, being made to look stupid in front of someone, having your time taken…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 42:41

Being late on purpose, the joke with an edge, the job done just badly enough: that is anger at full strength, only sent by a quieter route.

People who do this often say honestly that they never get angry, and they believe it, because what they are picturing is shouting. The feeling is all…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 2:263

Not all hostile looking anger is hostile. Some people are not reading malice into a situation, they simply cannot tell what the other person meant and fall back on assuming the worst.

The difference matters. If somebody has decided you meant harm, you can go through the evidence with them. If they never managed to read the signal…

Five minutesWhat anger actually isCoreQur’an 25:63

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.