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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

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7 practices
Choosing your response remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 2Five minutes 5
Who it is written for
Me 7A practitioner 7Someone I care about 6My husband or wife 1
Where you are right now
Getting ready for something 3Coping, mostly 3Struggling right now 1
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 73Involves someone else 7Both of us together 1
Theme · Choosing your response
Medication and how it works 61Systems for daily life 37The cost of avoiding 36Screens and attention 26Staying regulated in conflict 24Moving your body 21Treatment and medication 20Exercise, food and other supports 15Knowing your partner 15Rebuilding trust 14What anger actually is 13Affection and touch 13Feelings and focus 13What ADHD actually is 13Listening and understanding 12Breaking the worry loop 11Rituals of connection 11Answering bids 11Repair after rupture 11Your nervous system 11Your sense of time 11The moment before you snap 10Food, caffeine and fuel 10Facing it a step at a time 10Getting assessed and diagnosed 10Shared spiritual life 10Structure and routine 10What worry does 10Bringing the future closer 9Grounding and settling 9Choosing your response 7Cool the body first 7When everything feels flat 7Growing empathy 7Equanimity and perspective 7Treatment and medication 7Get started 7Emotions as signals 7Breathing 7Remembering to do it 6Reading, numbers and learning differences 6Posture and how you carry yourself 5Shame and stigma 5When you use something to cope 5Tolerate distress 4Touch and bodywork 4Obsessions and compulsions 3Making it stick 3Practising under provocation 3Being seen and judged 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Panic and the body 3Rest and pacing 2Feeling from the inside 2The fear underneath anger 2Help someone grieving 2Gratitude 2Fondness and admiration 2Shame 2What you are actually defending 2Ask and say no well 2Validate yourself and others 1When you go numb 1Living with uncertainty 1Safety and grounding 1
Approach
Core 3CBT 3Gottman 1
When
Any ordinary day 3After a row 2Under stress 2

Do not only correct the thought, correct the sentence. Rather than do not shout at me, try can you take those off, I want to talk to you.

Telling yourself to stay calm gives you nothing to do, and the ready-made sharp line is still the only thing in your mouth. A plain request gives all…

A minuteChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 33:70

Before you walk out, say three things: this is getting heated, I need a bit of space, I will be back and we will carry on. The sentence is the skill, not the walking.

An exit with no words is read as punishment, and the other person will usually follow you to finish it, which is how a break turns into the worst…

A minuteChoosing your responseGottmanQur’an 33:70

If you are helping someone set up a practice like this, ask them for ideas before you offer yours. Keep a few in your back pocket for when they run dry.

What people invent for themselves fits their actual life, and they are far more likely to do it. Have suggestions ready anyway, because a brainstorm…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 3:159

Offer a practice as a question rather than an instruction. What do you think it would be like to wake yourself up once a day? That is a very different sentence from you should.

People argue with instructions, particularly people who were sent rather than came. A question leaves them to make the case, and the case they make…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCoreQur’an 16:125

You can tell someone they have hurt you without your voice showing it. The message and the heat come apart, and it is usually the heat that stops the message being heard.

Worth saying, because plenty of people believe the only options are swallowing it or letting it out. There is a third, which is saying the whole hard…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 17:53

Open with the difficulty instead of the accusation. "This is hard for me to say" and "I am worried you will not like this" buy you a hearing that "you always" never will.

Two things happen at once when you start this way. The other person stops preparing a defence, because nothing has been thrown at them yet. And you…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 16:125

Under the anger there is usually something you wanted and did not get, or something you are afraid of losing. Say that, and you have handed the other person something they can actually do.

"You never help" gives someone a charge to deny. "I needed you to take the kids for an hour and I was too proud to ask" gives them a job. The second…

Five minutesChoosing your responseCBTQur’an 5:8

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.