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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices
Emotions as signals remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 2Five minutes 5
Who it is written for
A practitioner 7My husband or wife 7Someone I care about 4Me 3
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 5Struggling right now 2
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 12Both of us together 11Involves someone else 7
Theme · Emotions as signals
Medication and how it works 61Systems for daily life 37The cost of avoiding 36Screens and attention 26Staying regulated in conflict 24Moving your body 21Treatment and medication 20Knowing your partner 15Exercise, food and other supports 15Rebuilding trust 14What ADHD actually is 13What anger actually is 13Affection and touch 13Feelings and focus 13Listening and understanding 12Breaking the worry loop 11Your nervous system 11Repair after rupture 11Your sense of time 11Answering bids 11Rituals of connection 11What worry does 10Getting assessed and diagnosed 10Facing it a step at a time 10Food, caffeine and fuel 10The moment before you snap 10Structure and routine 10Shared spiritual life 10Grounding and settling 9Bringing the future closer 9When everything feels flat 7Breathing 7Choosing your response 7Cool the body first 7Emotions as signals 7Growing empathy 7Equanimity and perspective 7Get started 7Treatment and medication 7Remembering to do it 6Reading, numbers and learning differences 6When you use something to cope 5Shame and stigma 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Touch and bodywork 4Tolerate distress 4Panic and the body 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Practising under provocation 3Obsessions and compulsions 3Making it stick 3Being seen and judged 3The fear underneath anger 2Fondness and admiration 2Feeling from the inside 2Rest and pacing 2What you are actually defending 2Shame 2Ask and say no well 2Help someone grieving 2Gratitude 2Living with uncertainty 1When you go numb 1Validate yourself and others 1Safety and grounding 1
When
After a row 4Any ordinary day 2Under stress 1

Point at the body. 'Your hands went up just then', or 'you put your head in your hands', gives a feeling something solid to stand on.

Feelings argued about in the abstract go round and round. A gesture you both just watched is much harder to dispute, and it opens a door: what was…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 39:23

When someone goes quiet and you can see they have gone inside, that is not your moment to help. Stay still and let the silence run.

You will feel the pull to summarise, to check they are alright, to bring the other person back in. All of it lands as an interruption. Give it a few…

A minuteEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 50:16

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.

A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

Watch for the swerve. Right after something tender gets said, along comes a story about a brother or a colleague or a thing from years ago, and the tender part quietly gets left behind.

Swerving is not dishonesty. It is what people do when a feeling gets close, and it works, which is exactly why it is so easy to follow along.…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:87

If a conversation has wandered off and you have lost the thread, go back to the last thing that had real feeling in it, and go back using the words they used.

Not a summary of those words. The actual phrase: 'you said she has her standards and you will never meet them, and your eyes went red when you said…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.

A long, careful summary can flatten what someone has just risked saying. If the heart of it is that he feels defeated and frightened of never being…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.