Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

7 practices

Growing empathy Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have

Five minutes 3 Twenty minutes 4

Who it is written for

Me 7 A practitioner 7 Someone I care about 2 My husband or wife 1

Where you are right now

Coping, mostly 6 Struggling right now 1

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 20 Both of us together 9 Involves someone else 7

Theme · Growing empathy

Medication and how it works 61 Systems for daily life 37 The cost of avoiding 36 Screens and attention 26 Staying regulated in conflict 24 Moving your body 21 Treatment and medication 20 Knowing your partner 15 Exercise, food and other supports 15 Rebuilding trust 14 Feelings and focus 13 What ADHD actually is 13 Affection and touch 13 What anger actually is 13 Listening and understanding 12 Repair after rupture 11 Answering bids 11 Rituals of connection 11 Your sense of time 11 Breaking the worry loop 11 Your nervous system 11 The moment before you snap 10 Structure and routine 10 Shared spiritual life 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 10 Facing it a step at a time 10 Getting assessed and diagnosed 10 What worry does 10 Grounding and settling 9 Bringing the future closer 9 Growing empathy 7 When everything feels flat 7 Breathing 7 Treatment and medication 7 Get started 7 Equanimity and perspective 7 Emotions as signals 7 Cool the body first 7 Choosing your response 7 Remembering to do it 6 Reading, numbers and learning differences 6 When you use something to cope 5 Shame and stigma 5 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Tolerate distress 4 Touch and bodywork 4 Panic and the body 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 Practising under provocation 3 Being seen and judged 3 Making it stick 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Rest and pacing 2 Gratitude 2 What you are actually defending 2 Ask and say no well 2 The fear underneath anger 2 Fondness and admiration 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Help someone grieving 2 Shame 2 When you go numb 1 Safety and grounding 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Living with uncertainty 1

Approach

Medical and treatment 6 CBT 1

When

Any ordinary day 5 Under stress 1 When apart 1

Time alone can be a good idea or a dangerous one, and the difference is what sits underneath it. If you are already low, already dodging people, or drinking on your own, a plan to see fewer people is the wrong plan.

Ask honestly which one this is. Stepping back from a crowded, quarrelsome week is one thing. Disappearing because you cannot face anybody is another,…

Five minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 93:10

Telling somebody one thing you are quietly embarrassed about will bring you closer than a month of pleasant conversation.

It does not have to be dramatic. The worry you have never said out loud, the mistake you still think about at night, the thing you are no good at.…

Five minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 28:23

If it really is that you feel too much for people, the useful move is not more feeling. It is learning to say no while still meaning them well.

Naming your softness as something that gets used is what makes a limit bearable to set. You are not becoming colder. You are stopping the slow build…

Five minutesGrowing empathyCBTQur’an 16:90

You cannot decide to feel closer to people. You can decide to eat with them, walk with them, sit near them and say one true thing, and the closeness tends to follow.

The chemistry gets talked about a great deal and it is the least useful part. What you can act on is the diary: a standing meal with someone, a hand…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 30:21

Go long enough without company and almost anyone will do. That is worth knowing about yourself, and worth watching for in someone who lives alone.

Loneliness does not make you a poor judge of character on purpose. It just lowers the bar until whoever turns up seems fine. The steadier answer is…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:8

Four ordinary things take the edge off a hot temper: being touched by someone you trust, eating with people, moving your body hard enough to breathe, and sitting still for a few minutes a day.

None of them are about anger directly, which is the point. Exercise lowers what you are already carrying before the argument starts. A shared meal…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 76:8

If eating together helps, it is the together that is helping. Being full is not a route to feeling close, and treating it as one goes wrong quickly for some people.

Sit down with somebody once a week and eat whatever you were going to eat anyway. That is the whole practice. If you notice yourself reaching for…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 90:14

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.