Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

18 practices
How long you have · A minute
Who it is written for
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone · On my own
Theme · Bringing the future closer
The moment before you snap 34Choosing your response 34Staying regulated in conflict 32Cool the body first 29What anger actually is 24Your nervous system 24Grounding and settling 21The fear underneath anger 20Get started 19Bringing the future closer 18Medication and how it works 16Your sense of time 14Equanimity and perspective 14Fondness and admiration 13Treatment and medication 13Answering bids 13Making it stick 12Systems for daily life 12Structure and routine 12Practising under provocation 11Feelings and focus 11Touch and bodywork 11Growing empathy 10Food, caffeine and fuel 9Knowing your partner 9Exercise, food and other supports 8What ADHD actually is 8Gratitude 7Tolerate distress 7Remembering to do it 7Moving your body 6Repair after rupture 6Screens and attention 6When everything feels flat 6What worry does 6Shared spiritual life 5Shame and stigma 5Being seen and judged 5Breathing 5What you are actually defending 5Treatment and medication 5Feeling from the inside 4Getting assessed and diagnosed 4Self-compassion 4Question the thought 4When you use something to cope 3Name what you feel 3Facing it a step at a time 3Shame 2Let the wave come 2Affection and touch 2Safety and grounding 2Rituals of connection 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Ride the urge 2Working with anger 2Your worth is not conditional 2Hold a boundary 2Rebuilding trust 2Posture and how you carry yourself 2Meaning after harm 2Patience and trust 2Emotions as signals 2Panic and the body 2Calm the body 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Act on your values 1Listening and understanding 1Get it out of your head 1Reading, numbers and learning differences 1Care for yourself in loss 1Validate yourself and others 1When anger turns to harm 1Face it gently 1Letting it out safely 1Rest and pacing 1Your window of tolerance 1When you go numb 1Breaking the worry loop 1Listen to the body 1Keep the bond 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Obsessions and compulsions 1
When

A reminder system is not a crutch you should be aiming to throw away. It is closer to a pair of glasses. You wear them because they work, and nobody expects your eyes to improve because you wore them for a year.

This matters most for how you talk to yourself while using one. 'I shouldn't need an alarm for this' is the sentence that gets tools abandoned,…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 65:3

Putting tomorrow's envelope beside your keys only works if the keys are the only other thing there. On a counter covered in post, the envelope just becomes part of the pile.

So the placing is half the job and the clearing is the other half. Choose one surface that stays bare: a spot by the door, the passenger seat, the…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 12:47

Every interruption charges you twice. There is the chance you never come back to the work at all, and there is the effort it takes to come back when you do.

This is why a day of successfully resisting everything can still end with nothing left in the tank. You count the times you got pulled away, feel…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 99:8

Letting the natural consequence do the teaching only works if it arrives soon enough to be connected to what you did. Where the gap is months or years, nobody learns from it. Not you, not anyone.

So the honest question is not whether someone ought to learn from what happens. It is whether the timing gives them any chance to. A cost that lands…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 75:21

By the time the motivation turns up, the moment to act has usually gone. Thursday night panic about a report due on Friday is real motivation, just delivered too late to be any use.

Worth saying to yourself without contempt, because the pattern is not a preference for pressure. The job is to move the feeling earlier rather than…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 89:24

That Thursday night feeling, fully motivated at last with no good option remaining, is a trap in the timing rather than a fault in you.

It is worth naming, because most people have been told the opposite about themselves for years. The scramble is what happens when the deadline is the…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 17:11

Keep a count of it. Everyone talks themselves out of things, and 'I always pull it off at the last minute' is a belief living off the handful of times it was true.

Nothing clever is needed. A tick on the calendar for days that went to plan, a note of the times you started late and how that actually turned out.…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 2:110

Two things depend on the same small gap: looking back at how the last one went, and looking ahead at how this one is likely to go. Neither can happen once you are already moving.

Which is oddly good news, because it is not two skills to build. It is the half second before you answer, agree, buy or set off. Most people already…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 59:18

Forethought can be as small as this. The motorway is dreadful at nine and fine at two, so you go at two. Ten seconds of picturing it, not an afternoon of planning.

If the word planning makes you tired, drop it. What you are doing is running the thing forward once before you commit: where will I be, what will it…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 89:24

Usually it is not that you did not know better. The obvious option had already taken hold before anything you know got a chance to speak.

So more information is rarely the fix. What helps is a wedge between the pull and the action: saying you will answer tomorrow, keeping your hand off…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 21:37

Without that gap the choice is made before it is a choice: one marshmallow now instead of two in ten minutes. It shows up in money, in work, in what gets said to people.

Worth seeing as one pattern rather than as a list of separate failings, which is both kinder and more useful. The same fix applies everywhere it…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 75:21

People stop telling the truth to anyone who argues with it. Being easy to be honest with is a skill, and it has to be visible from the outside.

Notice what you do in the first three seconds after hearing something you did not want to hear. The explaining, the yes but, the small correction of…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 14:7

When the panic finally shows up, take it as news about the past rather than a call to action. It means the good options went a while ago.

You can use the sentence on yourself in the moment: by the time I feel it, it is already too late. Not as a beating, just as information. Two things…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 89:24

Hang something small and near on the task. No coffee until the expense form is in. Not a treat later in the month, something you actually want in the next ten minutes.

It works better when the reward is genuinely small, genuinely close, and you hold the line on it. Big distant rewards behave exactly like the…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 29:69

Running late is one thing. Running late with no message is two things. If it is the text that keeps going missing, put a small cost on the text specifically: no message, you do the washing up.

Worth separating, because they really are separate problems and the second is much cheaper to solve. Remembering to send something while you are…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 99:7

On Monday, take a minute to picture Thursday twice. Thursday with an hour of this already behind you, and Thursday with none of it done. Make both of them specific.

Where are you sitting, what time is it, what does your chest feel like. The comparison is the working part, since one vague future against another…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 59:18

Do not ask whether you feel like it. The answer is no, today and every other day. Ask how you will feel about it later.

The first question has only one answer and it never varies, which is why it ends up deciding everything. The second is answerable and it moves with…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 18:46

The job will not feel more pleasant on Thursday. It will be the same job, done tired, in less time, with somebody waiting. Later is not the easier option. It only looks that way from here.

There is a quiet assumption that willingness will turn up in the meantime. It does not. What changes is the conditions, and they get worse. Saying…

A minuteBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 16:96

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.