Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices

Knowing your partner A minute On my own Clear all

How long you have · A minute

A minute 9 Five minutes 1

Who it is written for

Me 9 My husband or wife 9

On your own, or with someone · On my own

On my own 9 Involves someone else 5

Theme · Knowing your partner

Choosing your response 34 The moment before you snap 34 Staying regulated in conflict 32 Cool the body first 29 Your nervous system 24 What anger actually is 24 Grounding and settling 21 The fear underneath anger 20 Get started 19 Bringing the future closer 18 Medication and how it works 16 Your sense of time 14 Equanimity and perspective 14 Answering bids 13 Treatment and medication 13 Fondness and admiration 13 Making it stick 12 Systems for daily life 12 Structure and routine 12 Feelings and focus 11 Practising under provocation 11 Touch and bodywork 11 Growing empathy 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 9 Knowing your partner 9 Exercise, food and other supports 8 What ADHD actually is 8 Gratitude 7 Tolerate distress 7 Remembering to do it 7 What worry does 6 Screens and attention 6 When everything feels flat 6 Moving your body 6 Repair after rupture 6 Shared spiritual life 5 Shame and stigma 5 What you are actually defending 5 Treatment and medication 5 Being seen and judged 5 Breathing 5 Feeling from the inside 4 Self-compassion 4 Getting assessed and diagnosed 4 Question the thought 4 When you use something to cope 3 Name what you feel 3 Facing it a step at a time 3 Rituals of connection 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Ride the urge 2 Shame 2 Rebuilding trust 2 Posture and how you carry yourself 2 Affection and touch 2 Patience and trust 2 Panic and the body 2 Notice the pattern and flex 2 Working with anger 2 Your worth is not conditional 2 Let the wave come 2 Hold a boundary 2 Emotions as signals 2 Meaning after harm 2 Calm the body 2 Safety and grounding 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 1 Breaking the worry loop 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 Rest and pacing 1 Keep the bond 1 When anger turns to harm 1 Get it out of your head 1 Face it gently 1 Letting it out safely 1 Act on your values 1 Listening and understanding 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Listen to the body 1 Obsessions and compulsions 1 When you go numb 1 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Your window of tolerance 1

Approach

Gottman 4 Emotionally focused 4 Core 1

When

Any ordinary day 7 Under stress 2

Say the real thing under the protest today: I need to know you are there for me.

Not a demand, a reach. The plainest words of the heart are the ones that land.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When you are low today, ask your spouse for comfort in plain words.

Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:60

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.