Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

10 practices

Knowing your partner On my own Clear all

How long you have

A minute 9 Five minutes 1

Who it is written for

My husband or wife 10 Me 10

On your own, or with someone · On my own

Involves someone else 15 On my own 10

Theme · Knowing your partner

Your nervous system 108What anger actually is 83 Medication and how it works 83 The moment before you snap 76 Choosing your response 73 Get started 65 Systems for daily life 62 Grounding and settling 60 The fear underneath anger 57 Equanimity and perspective 57 Cool the body first 55 Your sense of time 52 Touch and bodywork 52 What ADHD actually is 49 Food, caffeine and fuel 49 Moving your body 48 Bringing the future closer 46 When everything feels flat 44 Exercise, food and other supports 44 Treatment and medication 43 Getting assessed and diagnosed 42 Feelings and focus 38 Staying regulated in conflict 36 Practising under provocation 36 Screens and attention 31 Shame and stigma 30 Making it stick 29 Breathing 28 Structure and routine 25 What worry does 24 Treatment and medication 24 Feeling from the inside 23 Tolerate distress 23 Being seen and judged 22 What you are actually defending 21 Remembering to do it 20 Growing empathy 20 When you use something to cope 19 Reading, numbers and learning differences 14 Breaking the worry loop 13 Fondness and admiration 13 Answering bids 13 Obsessions and compulsions 13 Righteous anger and perfectionism 13 Self-compassion 12 Emotions as signals 12 Question the thought 11 Facing it a step at a time 11 Knowing your partner 10 Shame 10 Use your strengths 9 Repair after rupture 8 Posture and how you carry yourself 8 Anger, alcohol and the body 8 Shared spiritual life 7 When anger turns to harm 7 Gratitude 7 When you go numb 4 Living with uncertainty 4 Meaning after harm 4 Letting it out safely 4 Name what you feel 3 Rebuilding trust 3 Rest and pacing 3 Safety and grounding 3 Let the wave come 3 Act on your values 3 Working with anger 3 Your worth is not conditional 3 Calm the body 3 Notice the pattern and flex 3 Work with your brain 2 Get it out of your head 2 Patience and trust 2 Hold a boundary 2 Face it gently 2 Affection and touch 2 Keep the bond 2 Listen to the body 2 Rituals of connection 2 Care for yourself in loss 2 Panic and the body 2 Ride the urge 2 Find meaning 2 The cost of avoiding 2 Your window of tolerance 2 Listening and understanding 1 Validate yourself and others 1

Approach

Gottman 4 Emotionally focused 4 Core 2

When

Any ordinary day 8 Under stress 2

Say the real thing under the protest today: I need to know you are there for me.

Not a demand, a reach. The plainest words of the heart are the ones that land.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When you are low today, ask your spouse for comfort in plain words.

Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:60

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Name their three current worries to yourself, then gently check whether you were right.

Knowing what weighs on them today is how care becomes specific instead of general.

Five minutesKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.