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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

24 practices
Answering bids remove filterMy husband or wife remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 22Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for · My husband or wife
Me 24My husband or wife 24
On your own, or with someone
On my own 13Involves someone else 11
Theme · Answering bids
Staying regulated in conflict 60Emotions as signals 30Knowing your partner 25Answering bids 24Feelings and focus 23Repair after rupture 19Shared spiritual life 17Fondness and admiration 15Affection and touch 15Rebuilding trust 14Rituals of connection 13Listening and understanding 13Gratitude 9Treatment and medication 9What anger actually is 9Remembering to do it 8Choosing your response 7The moment before you snap 7Equanimity and perspective 6When you go numb 6Bringing the future closer 6Growing empathy 5Shame 5Systems for daily life 4Your nervous system 4Practising under provocation 3Your sense of time 3What you are actually defending 2What ADHD actually is 2Get started 2Use your strengths 1The fear underneath anger 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 10Core 7Gottman 7
When
Any ordinary day 12Under stress 9Something good 3

Before you respond, say back what you heard them mean.

Being understood, even before being agreed with, settles almost everything.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.