Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

15 practices
How long you have · A minute
Who it is written for · Me
Where you are right now
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Your sense of time
Staying regulated in conflict 46The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 33What anger actually is 25Your nervous system 24Grounding and settling 24Medication and how it works 23Answering bids 22Bringing the future closer 22Systems for daily life 22The fear underneath anger 21Get started 20Equanimity and perspective 17Your sense of time 15Fondness and admiration 15Knowing your partner 14Practising under provocation 14Treatment and medication 14Affection and touch 14Making it stick 13Repair after rupture 13Growing empathy 13Feelings and focus 12Structure and routine 12Touch and bodywork 12Food, caffeine and fuel 11Gratitude 9Breathing 9Exercise, food and other supports 8Listening and understanding 8When everything feels flat 8Being seen and judged 8Remembering to do it 7What ADHD actually is 7Moving your body 7Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Tolerate distress 7Shared spiritual life 6What worry does 6What you are actually defending 6Rituals of connection 6Treatment and medication 6Screens and attention 5Posture and how you carry yourself 5Rebuilding trust 5Shame and stigma 5Feeling from the inside 4Question the thought 4Self-compassion 4Name what you feel 3Safety and grounding 3Emotions as signals 3Ride the urge 2Facing it a step at a time 2Notice the pattern and flex 2When you use something to cope 2Calm the body 2The cost of avoiding 2Working with anger 2Shame 2Breaking the worry loop 2Your worth is not conditional 2Meaning after harm 2Patience and trust 2Let the wave come 2Hold a boundary 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Validate yourself and others 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Anger, alcohol and the body 1Rest and pacing 1Panic and the body 1When you go numb 1Your window of tolerance 1Listen to the body 1Keep the bond 1Help someone grieving 1Get it out of your head 1Act on your values 1Face it gently 1Letting it out safely 1Care for yourself in loss 1Ask and say no well 1
When

In the famous test a child is left alone with one sweet and told that waiting will earn them two. Some reach for it almost before the grown up has finished speaking. They understood the offer perfectly. The second sweet simply was not real to them.

That is the whole thing in one image: the knowledge intact, the feeling absent. You can know that filing the return today would save you a fortnight…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 18:19

A hundred pounds now, or the same hundred pounds guaranteed at the end of the year. Same money, same certainty. One of them pulls at you and the other does not.

Worth sitting with for a moment, because it takes risk out of the picture entirely. There is nothing to lose by waiting, and the near one still feels…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

Here is a short way to hold the whole difficulty: the now in front of you is too big and the later is too small. It fits in your head at the moment you need it, which longer explanations do not.

Use it as a question rather than a verdict. Standing at the fridge at eleven at night, or with the tab open instead of the form, you can ask whether…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

Choosing the dull useful thing over the bright easy one starts with a pause, not with willpower. If the pause never happens, nothing downstream of it gets a chance to happen either.

The chain runs roughly like this: something stops you for a second, you notice what you are doing, the later consequence comes into view, and only…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 20:114

Getting going is a separate expense from working slowly. Plenty of people move quickly once they are in and still lose forty minutes in the gap between deciding and starting.

It is worth knowing which of the two you are paying, because the answers differ. If the work itself is slow, you want fewer interruptions and simpler…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 62:10

Time speeds up inside something absorbing and crawls inside something dull, and for many people with ADHD that swing is much wider. Which means your sense of time is least reliable exactly where you need it most.

Two things follow. When the task is dull, expect your sense of how long you have been at it to fall well short of the truth, so use a timer instead…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 103:1

A clock with hands shows you how much is left. A number only tells you where you are, which is why the hour can vanish while you keep checking it.

Try one on the wall where you work, or the sort that shows a shrinking coloured wedge for the time remaining. What you want is to see the deadline…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 36:39

If you will not look at clocks, let something tell you instead. A watch or phone that buzzes every fifteen minutes, or on the hour, rebuilds a rough sense of how long you have been at this.

Start with a gentle interval, a quarter of an hour or half an hour, and treat it as a question rather than an alarm: what am I doing, and is this…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 30:17

Reading the time off a clock does nothing on its own. The useful bit is the question straight after it: where was I meant to be by now, and how much is left.

Try adding one sentence to every glance. It is twenty past two, so I have forty minutes and I am about halfway. Said out loud it sounds laborious,…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 25:62

Keep one short question and use it everywhere: is this what I should be doing right now. Nothing clever, just the same words often enough that they turn up on their own.

The value is in it being fixed. An intention to monitor yourself is far too vague to survive a busy afternoon, whereas a set phrase can be triggered…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 59:18

The timer you will actually use is the one that takes two seconds. A dial you twist beats an app with four taps, every time, whatever the app can do.

Keep a cheap kitchen timer where you work and another where you get ready. If speaking to a smart speaker is quicker for you, use that instead.…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 2:189

If you have ten minutes and the episode is forty, the moment to act is before it starts. Stopping halfway is a much harder ask than never beginning.

This is worth knowing about yourself without shame: once you are inside something absorbing, the pull to stay is enormous and the part of you that…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 36:40

Fasten a time you keep missing to another person. Go up when your partner goes up. Ask a colleague to knock for you on the way to the meeting.

A person moving is much easier to notice than a number changing. Ask for it as a favour and keep it small and specific, because a vague request to be…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 103:3

Almost everyone has an alarm to get up and almost nobody has one to go to bed, which is odd, because bedtime is the one with nothing else pushing on it.

Set it for half an hour before you want to be asleep, so it catches the start of the wind down rather than the end. Expect to ignore it for the first…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 25:47

You do not have to agree that it will take longer. Add the extra time anyway and let the week prove you right or wrong. If you finish early, you have a spare twenty minutes, which is not a punishment.

This matters because the felt sense of duration is stubborn, and waiting until it corrects itself means waiting a long while. So treat the padding as…

A minuteYour sense of timeADHD skillsQur’an 10:5

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.