Practices

Ask people how it went. How was that meeting, how am I doing, what did you make of it. Nobody enjoys asking, and the information is not available any other way.

Ask one specific person about one specific thing rather than the room in general. If your read on yourself has been bent out of shape by years of…

One way to hold the whole thing: you feel now at full volume and later almost not at all. Putting things off, saying yes too often, spending, jumping in. One pattern rather than four separate faults.

It changes what you go looking for. Not more discipline in each area separately, but ways of making later louder across all of them. A deadline you…

A report due Friday puts a little pressure on somebody else's Monday. For you Monday feels like nothing at all, and then Thursday evening arrives carrying the whole of it.

It is worth drawing out honestly. One line sloping gently upwards all week, another staying flat and then going vertical. Once the shape is visible…

If the only real deadline is the fortnightly meeting, invent some smaller ones. A couple of short catch-ups a week will do more for the work than the formal review ever does.

Ask for them as something that helps you, because it is true and it also lands better: five minutes on Tuesday and Thursday keeps me pointed at the…

Whatever the record is, do it the same day, every time. The salesman writes his notes in the car outside the client's office. Not that evening, not on Friday.

No exceptions is the part doing the work. One skipped day teaches you that skipping is survivable, and 'it worked out fine that once' is the thought…

No single strategy fits every situation. When something that worked last year does nothing now, the fault is usually in the match rather than in you.

For anyone helping, this matters even more. When a sensible technique fails, the first question is which part of this person's week it did not fit,…

There are two ways to make something get noticed: make it louder, or quieten everything around it. The second is usually the one nobody has tried.

It applies to a desk and to a phone screen alike. Adding one more reminder into a busy field mostly adds to the field. Taking six things off the desk…

Say the plan out loud to somebody. A manager, a colleague, your wife, a coach. Hearing yourself explain it does something that turning it over privately does not.

The listener does not need to be an expert in any of it. Talking forces you to put things in order, and the gaps tend to announce themselves halfway…

Mindfulness practice is good for most people, and may help a little more if you have ADHD. Treat it as something supportive rather than as the treatment itself.

The honest version is worth having, because being told it is the answer and then finding it is not tends to end with people dropping it entirely. If…

Once a week, both calendars open on the table. Who is doing scouts, who has football, what is happening on Thursday. Twice a week if the house is busy.

The point is finding the collisions while there is still time to sort them out, rather than at eight on Thursday morning with coats half on. Keep it…

When the thing is over, sit down for twenty minutes and go through it: what happened, what worked, what did not, what you will do differently. Put it in the diary, because it never happens on intention alone.

The monthly report, the school year, the audit. Write the answers where you will actually find them next time, and be specific about the point it…

Overwhelmed? Take two minutes: breathe out slowly, longer than you breathe in, and let the body lead.

You cannot think your way calm mid-storm, but you can breathe your way there. Slow exhales, then decide.

When emotion spikes hard, splash cold water on your face or hold something cold for a slow count.

A jolt of cold gives the racing body something concrete to settle around. Simple, and it works.

Scan your body, unclench the jaw, drop the shoulders, soften the hands. Let the tension out on each breath.

Emotion tightens the body; the body can loosen the emotion back. Release the grip one part at a time.

On the heaviest day, trust you are not given more than you can carry, and do just the next small thing.

You do not have to carry the whole weight at once. One small act, then the next, is enough.

Grief is tiring. Let yourself rest and return to small routines; this is not giving up on them.

Stepping back to eat, sleep, and do ordinary things is part of grieving, not a betrayal of it.

Your mind sorts fast and rough. It matches what is happening now against something it has met before, and in a bad moment it rounds a raised eyebrow up to contempt.

Most rows start with a misreading rather than with faulty reasoning, which is why picking your conclusions apart afterwards changes so little. The…

Volume gets heard as aggression even when it is only urgency. Someone raising their voice is often just trying to be heard.

It runs in both directions. When you push your own volume up to make a point land, what arrives at the other person is an attack, and they answer the…

Before you decide someone is having a go at you, go looking for the boring physical explanation. A good deal of the time it is right there.

Ears blocked by headphones, a phone about to die, somebody who has not eaten since breakfast. Make the alternative concrete, because a vague thought…

Do not only correct the thought, correct the sentence. Rather than do not shout at me, try can you take those off, I want to talk to you.

Telling yourself to stay calm gives you nothing to do, and the ready-made sharp line is still the only thing in your mouth. A plain request gives all…