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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

3 practices
Emotions as signals remove filterStruggling right now remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
Who it is written for
A practitioner 3My husband or wife 3Me 2Someone I care about 1
Where you are right now · Struggling right now
Coping, mostly 6Struggling right now 3
On your own, or with someone
Involves someone else 2Both of us together 1
Theme · Emotions as signals
What anger actually is 9Cool the body first 7Feelings and focus 5Remembering to do it 5The fear underneath anger 4Choosing your response 4Treatment and medication 4Screens and attention 3Emotions as signals 3Equanimity and perspective 3When you go numb 3Practising under provocation 3Shame and stigma 3The moment before you snap 3Tolerate distress 3What ADHD actually is 3Your nervous system 2Shame 2Making it stick 2Your sense of time 1When anger turns to harm 1Bringing the future closer 1Grounding and settling 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Facing it a step at a time 1Breaking the worry loop 1Growing empathy 1
When · After a row
Any ordinary day 3After a row 3Under stress 3When apart 1

Say the frightened thing rather than the sharp thing. It is far more exposing and it is the only version that tends to get a kind reply.

Under most rows sits something like I think there is something wrong with me, or I have already lost you and I am pretending I have not. Sharp words…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 9:118

Once the feeling is actually in the room, ask the plain question: what did you hear her saying about you? The answer is usually where the sting really lives.

A comment about the washing up does not floor anyone by itself. It floors you because of what you heard underneath it, something along the lines of…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:19

You do not have to reflect back everything a person just told you. Pick up the part that carries the weight and say that much.

A long, careful summary can flatten what someone has just risked saying. If the heart of it is that he feels defeated and frightened of never being…

Five minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.