Practices

If you want to use herbal remedies, two things carry most of the risk. Make sure whoever prescribes for you knows what you are taking, and buy from a source that has been independently tested.

That is a short list on purpose. Nearly all the harm in this area comes from an interaction nobody knew about or a product that was not what it…

Herbal products are rarely covered by insurance and they add up quickly. That cost belongs in the decision, particularly when you cannot be sure the capsule holds what it says.

Money spent here is money not spent elsewhere, and often the alternative is a treatment that is covered and has been tested. Nobody is telling you…

What you feel does not stay in your head. Emotional states register in the body's immune signalling too, which is one reason a long stretch of unspoken distress can leave you physically run down.

This is not a claim that you can think yourself well or ill. It is closer to saying the body keeps a tally. If you have been carrying something heavy…

Water, sleep, food and digestion are not the boring preamble to the real work. When those are running badly, everything else you try has less to work with.

It can feel almost insulting to be asked about breakfast when what you carry is so much bigger than breakfast. But a body short of sleep and short of…

Health advice usually assumes a kitchen, a fridge and money for the week. If you are working with less than that, the answer is not to try harder at the advice. It is to shrink the plan until it fits what you actually have.

A plan you cannot keep does more than fail. It quietly adds to the pile of evidence that nothing you do makes any difference, and that pile is heavy…

A physical symptom is not a free floating fact. Read it next to what your life has actually held, the early parts included, and it often makes more sense than it does on its own.

This works in both directions. It stops you treating a body complaint as something random that landed on you, and it stops you treating it as a…

Saying a difficulty is in the past is not the same as saying it was never real. Sometimes a picture changes because something that was making it worse got taken away, and the honest words for that are neither cured nor imagining it.

People who have been disbelieved by doctors are very sensitive to this, and with reason. The choice usually gets offered as either it was all in your…

Months of fog, where thinking feels like wading, is a real complaint and deserves looking into rather than waving away. It usually has more than one cause, which is part of why it gets dismissed.

Fog sits where several things overlap: dissociation, anxiety, poor sleep, thyroid and iron problems, infections, medication. Because it belongs…

You cannot ask for something you cannot feel the want of. Before working out how to say it, spend a minute finding what you actually need.

This is why advice to communicate better so often goes nowhere. The words come out tidy and land as nothing, because there was no felt need inside…

Ask what the feeling is trying to do for you. Anger clears an obstacle, fear gets you out, sadness calls for comfort, shame hides you from being seen.

Once a feeling has a job it stops being a defect you have to apologise for. That matters, because the ones we treat as shameful are precisely the…

Often nothing is buried. The pieces are all there, they have simply never been put next to each other.

This hurts but I do not know why usually means the event, the feeling in the body and the meaning are being held separately. So join them up out…

When someone pours out a lot at once, catch the two or three words carrying the weight and give those back to them, in order.

You said you felt cold in your own house, and like a nuisance. Nothing added, nothing solved. It sounds almost too simple, and it does the thing a…

Let what they say land in you before you answer. The word that catches somewhere in your own chest is usually the live one.

Cold. Empty. A nuisance. Take each one for a second rather than sailing past it to the reply. Then give back the one that carried the charge, and you…

If all you can say is that you want to get away, that is already information. Nobody moves away from nothing, so somewhere in there is something that felt hard.

You do not need to know what it is yet. Hold the smaller version for a while: something here is difficult, and the pulling back is how I have been…

When someone finally gets one true word out about how they feel, resist explaining it to them. Ask what that word is like from the inside and let them find the rest.

The temptation is to say the clever thing: of course you felt rejected, anyone would. It is often accurate and it usually ends the moment, because…

Reading about anger will not make you gentler. Warmth is a skill with reps, like anything else, and it fades when nobody practises it.

Most anger advice works on the mind: catch the thought, question it, breathe. Useful, and none of it is the same as actually feeling something for…

If you have gone numb around other people's pain, the numbness almost certainly started as protection. It kept you upright at a time when feeling all of it would have flattened you.

The trouble is that it does not switch itself off when the danger passes. You find yourself unmoved in front of someone you love, and then you blame…

Years of putting up with things build a thicker skin, and that same skin is what stops you being reached by the person in front of you. It can thin again.

Nobody sets out to get harder. It happens quietly, one shrug at a time, until a story that would have undone you at twenty barely registers at forty.…

There is more than one way into someone else's world. You can picture yourself in their place, picture them in it, or simply let their state affect you, and the three do not feel the same or lead to the same place.

Picturing yourself in their place tends to raise your own distress, which can leave you wanting relief more than wanting to help them. Picturing them…

Give yourself an instruction you can rehearse. Copy one thing about how the other person is holding themselves, once a day, and notice what follows.

Advice like be more understanding gives you nothing to practise. Advice like match their pace when they speak gives you something you can do on a…