Practices

Ask what this moment actually needs, not what your habit wants. Match the response to the situation.

Health is flexibility: sometimes speak up, sometimes let go, chosen to fit, not fixed by habit.

Two opposite things can both be true: I did my best, and I can do better. Hold both.

You do not have to choose one side of yourself. Wisdom often lives in holding both at once.

Notice your repeating move under stress, please, withdraw, control, and name it. Naming loosens it.

The pattern runs you until you can see it. Once named, it becomes a choice, not a reflex.

Going still and needing nothing is usually something a person worked out young, somewhere it was the sensible answer.

If reaching out met dismissal, or worse, then not reaching out is not a flaw of character. A child who stops asking, stops showing what they feel and…

When the words for feelings are not there, ask for a number instead. How much did the handwashing take over this week, one to ten, is a question someone can answer on a bad day.

A number asks far less of a person than a description, which matters when putting feelings into language is hard for them, and you still end up with…

Agree a short phrase to use at home. Saying I am having OCD worries tells a parent what is going on without handing them the worry to solve.

Once a parent hears the details they will nearly always try to help by answering, and answering is the thing that feeds it. A label gives them…

It can help to give the parts of your brain jobs. The front of your head is the manager, the memory system is the librarian, and the alarm is a security guard who is good at his work and far too keen on it.

The point is not accuracy, it is having language you can reach for quickly. Saying the guard is overreacting again gets you further than trying to…

Offer choices rather than instructions. With a problem that runs on control, being told what to do gives that control somewhere to dig in.

Two or three real options, the trade-offs said plainly, and then the pick is genuinely theirs. That holds for the big decisions too, like moving to a…

When obsessions start early and dig in deep, ask gently what anxiety looks like elsewhere in the family. Often there is an undiagnosed parent, and often that parent is helping in ways that keep the whole thing running.

None of this is about blame. A parent who checks the locks for their child, answers the same question fifteen times, or arranges the evening around a…

Try swapping the word picky for particular. A fair number of people with ADHD have more densely packed taste buds, so the bitterness in a sprout arrives at full volume.

That changes what is going on at the table. A child is not refusing in order to be difficult, they are tasting something stronger than you are.…

The amount in a capsule can vary from bottle to bottle, and sometimes between capsules in the same bottle. Undeclared fillers have been found in them too.

This matters most when you are trying to work out whether something helps you. A good month followed by a flat one may be two different products…

Kava can damage the liver at a high enough dose, badly enough that some countries have banned it. Herbal is not a synonym for gentle.

The unnerving part is how quiet liver damage is. Someone self medicating anxiety with kava can be accumulating harm and feel nothing at all until it…

Vitamin C cannot really be stockpiled, since the excess leaves in your urine. A, D, E and K are stored in fat, so a large daily dose keeps adding to itself.

Vitamin D is where this bites at the moment, after a lot of people started taking big amounts on their own during the pandemic years. If you are…

Omega supplements thin the blood, so they usually do not belong alongside warfarin. Bruising easily is often the first thing anyone notices.

One clinician worked out that her husband's bruising came from taking omegas on top of his Coumadin, and it settled once his doctor told him to stop.…

If fish oil gives you those horrible repeats all afternoon, that is a fixable problem rather than a reason to stop. Keep the capsules in the freezer, ask about an enteric coated version, or try a flavoured liquid.

Sticking with something usually fails for small unglamorous reasons like this. Someone with a sensitive palate will not last four weeks with an…

When a parent is set on something that will not hold, one honest story often lands better than a pile of studies. A family finished the better part of a year of neurofeedback and watched their child slide back to where he started within weeks.

Told plainly, with no note of triumph in it, a story like that raises durability without telling a parent they were foolish. They were not foolish.…

Brain training games make you better at the game. Sadly, that improvement tends to stay inside the game.

Sorting shapes faster or planning a conveyor belt more smoothly comes from learning the task, not from stretching a capacity, so the classroom and…

The fair test for anything offered alongside medication is whether it adds something on top. In one small imaging study, cognitive training added to a stimulant left inhibition no better than the stimulant on its own.

Add on designs are unkind to hopeful ideas, which is exactly why they are worth running. About twenty children took part, so this is one small piece…

If someone has genuine positional vertigo, get it treated, and do not expect the treatment to touch their ADHD. Both things can be true at the same time.

Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo often follows a sinus infection or a bang to the head, and it responds well to repositioning manoeuvres that…

Saying that something does not work leaves a parent holding the same worry that sent them looking in the first place. Say what the time and money would buy instead, and put exercise at the top of the list.

The energy behind an unevidenced treatment is usually love with nowhere to go, and if it is not given somewhere to go it moves on to the next…