Practices

If nobody helped you learn to settle when you were small, you can still learn it now. Slower and more deliberately, but genuinely.

Reading about early development can leave people feeling sentenced, as though the window shut at three and that was that. The same capacity to adapt…

Being the baby who never cried is not the same as being secure. It can mean you learned very early that nobody was coming.

Some people regulate themselves beautifully and have never once been regulated by anybody else. From outside it reads as resilience. From inside it…

You can tell you are back when there is choice in it again: you can pick which thought to keep hold of, and how to answer what you feel.

The settled state is not the absence of things. It has a texture: clear, connected, reasonably hopeful, able to understand somebody and to feel…

Excitement and panic run on the same fuel. What turns it into play is feeling safe while it happens.

If you have learned to distrust your own energy, anything lively reads as a warning: a fast heart before a party, the buzz of an argument you are…

Thinking about a feeling tends to slow it down. Feeling it in your body tends to speed it up. Between those two you have a throttle.

When someone is flooded, moving to words, naming and a little distance brings it down. When someone is flat and describing their week from behind…

The tools that slow things down mostly use your head: naming what is happening, standing back a little, putting the distress at arm's length for now.

Explaining to yourself what your body is doing. Watching a thought rather than arguing with it. Asking whether the worst reading is the only reading.…

The tools that reach what words cannot are physical: feet on the floor, a long breath out, pushing hard against a wall, deliberately walking away from something.

Some of what happened is held below language, which is why the most articulate account of it can leave you unchanged. Movement that finishes…

Long stress does not have one look. Some people end up permanently switched on. Others end up flat, heavy and hopeless. The two need opposite things.

If you are the switched on kind, the work is coming down: a longer breath out, less caffeine, a real end to the working day. If you are the flattened…

The stress hormone that carries you through a hard month also quietens your immune system while it is high. When it drops, the immune side comes back up.

That is the plain version of a relationship usually summed up as stress making you ill, which is too blunt to be much use. Running high and running…

Getting ill the week after the exams, the deadline or the funeral is not bad luck. It is the pattern.

You hold together through the push, and the moment it stops you are in bed with something. Often it was already brewing while you were still going.…

Wanting sugar, salt and something sharp at the end of a punishing week is physiology talking, not a defect in your character.

Long stretches of high stress come with real bodily consequences, and a shifted appetite is one of the visible ones. Fighting the craving head on…

Long histories of unresolved stress show up in bodies: inflammation, gut trouble, broken sleep, conditions that end up labelled unexplained. Being told it is all in your head is both wrong and useless.

There is a well known overlap between hard early lives and diagnoses such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and several autoimmune conditions. Overlap…

An immune system that stays switched on with nothing to fight can begin turning on healthy tissue. It is doing its job with the wrong target.

That is a kinder account than the ones people are usually handed, which tend to imply they brought it on themselves by not coping. None of this is…

Digestion runs on the resting side of your nervous system, which is one reason long stress and gut trouble travel together so often.

People with reflux, irritable bowels or years of unexplained stomach pain are often told the two things are unrelated, or that it is stress in the…

Heart rate variability is not about how fast your heart beats. It is about how much the gaps between the beats vary as you breathe.

People often assume a slow heart rate must mean a healthy one. You can have a perfectly normal rate with a rigid, unvarying rhythm, and the rigidity…