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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

466 practices
Twenty minutes remove filterClear all
Area
Focus, starting, and ADHD 231Your body 75Anger 59Worry and anxiety 38Low mood and hard feelings 31Your marriage 28After harm 2Grief and loss 2
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 811Five minutes 1388Twenty minutes 466Longer 182
Who it is written for
A practitioner 425Me 380Someone I care about 304My husband or wife 57
Where you are right now
Coping, mostly 265Struggling right now 118Getting ready for something 83
On your own, or with someone
On my own 264Involves someone else 126Both of us together 76
Theme
Systems for daily life 38Medication and how it works 30Moving your body 26Treatment and medication 19Screens and attention 18Getting assessed and diagnosed 17What ADHD actually is 17Get started 17Feelings and focus 16The cost of avoiding 15Your nervous system 14Reading, numbers and learning differences 14Food, caffeine and fuel 11Your sense of time 10Exercise, food and other supports 10What anger actually is 10Bringing the future closer 9Touch and bodywork 8The moment before you snap 8Shared spiritual life 7Grounding and settling 6Cool the body first 6Emotions as signals 6Breaking the worry loop 6The fear underneath anger 6Shame 6Tolerate distress 6Facing it a step at a time 5Shame and stigma 5Breathing 5Remembering to do it 5Staying regulated in conflict 5When everything feels flat 5When you use something to cope 5Righteous anger and perfectionism 4Repair after rupture 4Choosing your response 4What worry does 4Growing empathy 4When anger turns to harm 4Being seen and judged 4Rituals of connection 4Knowing your partner 3Making it stick 3Use your strengths 3Rebuilding trust 3Structure and routine 3Practising under provocation 3Anger, alcohol and the body 3Equanimity and perspective 3Obsessions and compulsions 2Posture and how you carry yourself 2Feeling from the inside 2Letting it out safely 2Answering bids 2Listen to the body 1What you are actually defending 1Question the thought 1Care for yourself in loss 1Rest and pacing 1Safety and grounding 1Living with uncertainty 1Treatment and medication 1Keep the bond 1
Approach
ADHD skills 142Medical and treatment 100Core 58CBT 54Body based 42Gottman 24Emotionally focused 12Mindfulness 11Trauma informed 8DBT skills 6Grief 4Narrative 3Parts work 2
When
Any ordinary day 342Under stress 50In a change 27After a row 25Coming and going 16When apart 4Something good 2

Emptying the feeling out at somebody does not shift it, and being told what to do instead skips over it. What changes things is feeling it with someone who stays.

You can tell the difference from the inside. Venting has a rehearsed quality, the same phrases coming round again with the heat kept up. Advice…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 21:83

Take one episode from this week and give it five lines: what set it off, how you read it, what happened in your body, what you took it to mean, and what you wanted to do.

Doing this with an actual event, rather than in general, is what makes it useful. Keep the lines short and resist tidying them into something more…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:29

You cannot taste food you are eating fast. Feeling works the same way, so slow the pace until there is something to actually notice.

In practice that means one sentence at a time, with a pause after it, and questions like what happened in you just then. Both of you will want to…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 13:28

When you are trying to reach a feeling, stay with the actual sentence that caused it rather than paraphrasing it into something milder.

She said you are too difficult. Said again, gently, it keeps the moment alive in the room instead of turning it into a memory being reported.…

Twenty minutesEmotions as signalsEmotionally focusedQur’an 15:97

You cannot decide to feel closer to people. You can decide to eat with them, walk with them, sit near them and say one true thing, and the closeness tends to follow.

The chemistry gets talked about a great deal and it is the least useful part. What you can act on is the diary: a standing meal with someone, a hand…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 30:21

Go long enough without company and almost anyone will do. That is worth knowing about yourself, and worth watching for in someone who lives alone.

Loneliness does not make you a poor judge of character on purpose. It just lowers the bar until whoever turns up seems fine. The steadier answer is…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 4:8

Four ordinary things take the edge off a hot temper: being touched by someone you trust, eating with people, moving your body hard enough to breathe, and sitting still for a few minutes a day.

None of them are about anger directly, which is the point. Exercise lowers what you are already carrying before the argument starts. A shared meal…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 76:8

If eating together helps, it is the together that is helping. Being full is not a route to feeling close, and treating it as one goes wrong quickly for some people.

Sit down with somebody once a week and eat whatever you were going to eat anyway. That is the whole practice. If you notice yourself reaching for…

Twenty minutesGrowing empathyMedical and treatmentQur’an 90:14

The aim is not to become someone with no force in them. It is to get a harness on the force and point it at something worth doing.

Anger usually knows something true: this was unfair, this matters to me, this cannot carry on. Keep that part and drop the delivery. The energy can…

Twenty minutesEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 12:86

Look back at a fight you went out of your way to have and pride is often what was driving. Being right and being respected feel like needs in the moment, and they cost far more than they return.

This changes what there is to work on. Breathing exercises will not touch a fight you are having in order to prove you are somebody. The question…

Twenty minutesEquanimity and perspectiveCoreQur’an 28:88

The real skill is not spotting the hole in their reasoning. It is running the same test on the belief you hold most tightly.

Pick something you are sure of, something you would defend at a family dinner, and ask what it would look like if it were only mostly true. Where…

Twenty minutesEquanimity and perspectiveMindfulnessQur’an 53:39

Give the anger a room rather than a target. Music up loud, walk fast, dance badly, shake your arms out until something in you settles.

Some children's grief centres keep a padded room where a child can go in and move however they need to, with nothing to hit and nothing to break.…

Twenty minutesLetting it out safelyGriefQur’an 10:12

Write the exact thing you are furious about on a paper plate, tape it to the wall, and throw wet cotton balls at it. It sounds childish, and it does more than swinging at nothing.

Half the good of it is in the writing. Vague anger has to become a sentence before it can go on the plate, and reading that sentence back usually…

Twenty minutesLetting it out safelyGriefQur’an 38:41

A ladder worth climbing has six things: real steps, built with you rather than for you, in your own words, a first rung that is genuinely easy, your hand on the pace throughout, and practice often enough to add up.

Most ladders come apart for dull reasons. The bottom rung was somebody else's idea of easy. The wording came out of a manual. Nobody said you were…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 84:19

When something frightens you the mind offers one option: do not go. Force out two or three more before judging any of them, daft ones included. Choosing needs something to choose between.

There is an order that works. Say what the problem actually is, in one sentence. List some options without weighing them yet. Then go through what is…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 12:87

Years of avoiding people leave real gaps, not only fear. How to start small talk, how to join a group already talking, how to get out of a conversation. Those can be taught, and being taught them is not an insult.

Sending someone into a peer group without the ordinary moves risks a genuinely bad afternoon, which then teaches exactly the wrong lesson. Practise…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 20:28

Put a number on each step, nought to ten, and let it be your number. Two people facing the same school will not agree about which part is worst, and the ladder has to belong to the person climbing it.

One child dreads the bus and is fine once inside the building. Another would happily ride the bus all morning and cannot get through the front door.…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 23:62

Run it in your head first, then act it out with someone safe, then do it for real. It is a preseason, and nobody thinks the preseason is cheating.

Each round adds a little pressure while help is still to hand. Imagining it stirs the fear enough to show whether your plan holds up. Acting it out…

Twenty minutesFacing it a step at a timeCBTQur’an 92:7

If you are moving attention through the body, start at the feet and work up. Leave the throat, the chest and the face until last.

The far edges of the body carry less charge, so they are a gentle place to find your bearings. Include the back, which people tend to skip: attention…

Twenty minutesFeeling from the insideMindfulnessQur’an 40:19

There is a difference between watching your hand and being in your hand. See whether you can move from looking at a part of your body to living inside it.

Observing keeps a small distance, which is useful early on and can quietly become the whole practice. Inhabiting is the further step: filling the…

Twenty minutesFeeling from the insideMindfulnessQur’an 91:7

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.