Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

43 practices
How long you have
Who it is written for
Where you are right now · Coping, mostly
On your own, or with someone
Theme · Bringing the future closer
Medication and how it works 104Systems for daily life 70Getting assessed and diagnosed 63Your nervous system 61Staying regulated in conflict 60What anger actually is 60Moving your body 48Get started 48Equanimity and perspective 46Choosing your response 44The moment before you snap 43Bringing the future closer 43The fear underneath anger 42Exercise, food and other supports 41Your sense of time 40Treatment and medication 39Feelings and focus 38Touch and bodywork 38Screens and attention 32When everything feels flat 32What ADHD actually is 30Growing empathy 28Grounding and settling 27The cost of avoiding 26Structure and routine 26Knowing your partner 25Answering bids 24Food, caffeine and fuel 24What worry does 23Practising under provocation 22What you are actually defending 20Cool the body first 20Emotions as signals 20Treatment and medication 20Repair after rupture 19Making it stick 19Breathing 19Being seen and judged 18Shared spiritual life 17Rebuilding trust 17Righteous anger and perfectionism 16Fondness and admiration 15Affection and touch 15Shame and stigma 14Breaking the worry loop 14Listening and understanding 13Remembering to do it 13Rituals of connection 13Feeling from the inside 12When you use something to cope 11When anger turns to harm 11Reading, numbers and learning differences 10Tolerate distress 10Gratitude 9Facing it a step at a time 9Self-compassion 8Use your strengths 8Obsessions and compulsions 6Anger, alcohol and the body 6Question the thought 5Meaning after harm 4Safety and grounding 4Posture and how you carry yourself 4Name what you feel 3Panic and the body 3Working with anger 3Notice the pattern and flex 3Your worth is not conditional 3Shame 3Act on your values 3Let the wave come 3Calm the body 3Listen to the body 2Your window of tolerance 2Keep the bond 2Hold a boundary 2Help someone grieving 2Ask and say no well 2Rest and pacing 2Get it out of your head 2Find meaning 2Patience and trust 2Validate yourself and others 2Face it gently 2Care for yourself in loss 2Ride the urge 2Work with your brain 2When you go numb 1Living with uncertainty 1
When

Bring the cost forward into today. No screen until the hour of work is done, rather than a poor grade three months from now.

Same idea for adults: you do not leave the desk until the hour is in, the film waits until the form is filed. It works because it stops asking you to…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 2:148

If the deadline is six weeks off and you can really only see three days ahead, do not try to grow the horizon. Move the deadline closer with a checkpoint.

A five minute catch-up with someone every couple of days does more than a beautifully drawn plan for the whole six weeks. In work with little…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

When you ask a manager for regular check-ins, ask for them as a way of staying pointed in the right direction. That is a different conversation from asking to be watched.

Something like: could we take five minutes twice a week, so I can be sure I am working on what matters most to you. You are the one proposing it, so…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 9:105

'It's bad for your health' and 'grades matter later' move nobody, least of all someone who has never seen what either one looks like.

If you want a future to carry any weight, it has to be pictured rather than stated. What does the day look like. Who is in the room. What is…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 87:17

A consequence has to cost the person whose behaviour it is, in something they actually care about. If missing the bus mildly annoys your teenager and wrecks your morning, the cost is landing on the wrong person.

So move it. A few pounds for the lift, or the phone for the day. Say it plainly beforehand, then do it without the lecture attached. What counts as…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 53:39

Write it up before you leave. One salesman, knowing full well he will not remember the visit an hour later, does his notes in the car with the engine still off.

The strength of it is that the trigger is fixed and physical. Sitting down in the car is the cue, and the notes happen before the key turns. No…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 94:7

If the same crunch arrives every month, another talk about it will not shift next month. It was never a shortage of information.

For partners this is a hard one, because the frustration is completely fair. But a lecture adds shame to something that already feels unpleasant, and…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 75:20

You get three goes at thinking about something: before it starts, somewhere in the middle, and once it is over. Most of us only ever use the last one, which is the least useful of them.

Before is a pause to look at the options. In the middle is a quick check on how it is actually going and whether anything needs changing. Afterwards…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 9:105

The first version of the list will be alright. It becomes good over a couple of years, one forgotten item at a time.

So when you arrive somewhere without the thing you needed, add a line rather than carrying the annoyance around with you. That turns a bad morning…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

At a check-in, only look. Where am I, what has slipped, what have I still not heard back on. Skim the inbox without opening anything.

The moment you answer one message the review is over, and you will not notice it ending. Keep a sheet beside you and write down what you spot instead…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 53:40

Once a day, look at the whole day before it starts eating you. What is on, what is urgent, what is this day actually best used for. Morning or evening, whichever you will really do.

It takes about five minutes and it is the difference between a day you chose and a day chosen for you by whoever emailed first. Some people prefer…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 94:7

Before you hand it over, read the original request again. Not your memory of it. The actual words.

Almost nobody enjoys this, which is why almost nobody does it. But work that is good except for the two things nobody remembered is the commonest…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 53:41

Ask people how it went. How was that meeting, how am I doing, what did you make of it. Nobody enjoys asking, and the information is not available any other way.

Ask one specific person about one specific thing rather than the room in general. If your read on yourself has been bent out of shape by years of…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 65:3

One way to hold the whole thing: you feel now at full volume and later almost not at all. Putting things off, saying yes too often, spending, jumping in. One pattern rather than four separate faults.

It changes what you go looking for. Not more discipline in each area separately, but ways of making later louder across all of them. A deadline you…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 75:20

A report due Friday puts a little pressure on somebody else's Monday. For you Monday feels like nothing at all, and then Thursday evening arrives carrying the whole of it.

It is worth drawing out honestly. One line sloping gently upwards all week, another staying flat and then going vertical. Once the shape is visible…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 87:17

If the only real deadline is the fortnightly meeting, invent some smaller ones. A couple of short catch-ups a week will do more for the work than the formal review ever does.

Ask for them as something that helps you, because it is true and it also lands better: five minutes on Tuesday and Thursday keeps me pointed at the…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 84:19

Whatever the record is, do it the same day, every time. The salesman writes his notes in the car outside the client's office. Not that evening, not on Friday.

No exceptions is the part doing the work. One skipped day teaches you that skipping is survivable, and 'it worked out fine that once' is the thought…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 12:47

No single strategy fits every situation. When something that worked last year does nothing now, the fault is usually in the match rather than in you.

For anyone helping, this matters even more. When a sensible technique fails, the first question is which part of this person's week it did not fit,…

Five minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 2:148

There are two ways to make something get noticed: make it louder, or quieten everything around it. The second is usually the one nobody has tried.

It applies to a desk and to a phone screen alike. Adding one more reminder into a busy field mostly adds to the field. Taking six things off the desk…

Twenty minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 20:131

Say the plan out loud to somebody. A manager, a colleague, your wife, a coach. Hearing yourself explain it does something that turning it over privately does not.

The listener does not need to be an expert in any of it. Talking forces you to put things in order, and the gaps tend to announce themselves halfway…

Twenty minutesBringing the future closerADHD skillsQur’an 2:148

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.