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Your marriage
What keeps a marriage well is not the big gestures. It is knowing each other, turning towards each other in ordinary moments, staying regulated when it gets hot, and repairing quickly when it goes wrong. Most of the practices here take under five minutes.
Narrowed down
5 practicesTheme · Repair after rupture
How long you have
Approach · Core
Make one repair attempt in the middle of a disagreement: a softer word, a small joke, a hand.
The couples who last are not those who never fight, but those who reach for each other mid-fight.
Accept their repair attempt even while you are still a little angry.
Letting a small peace offering land, before you feel finished, is its own kind of strength.
Take the word if out of your apology.
An apology with if in it quietly takes itself back; without it, the apology is whole.
Let go of one old grievance about something they have already changed.
Holding a debt they have already paid keeps the wound open to no one's good.
Apologise for what landed, not for what you meant.
If you owe an apology today, leave out the word "if" and leave out your intentions. Name what you actually did and what it cost them. "I dismissed…