Areas › Your marriage › Fondness and admiration
Catch one comparison of your spouse to someone else today, and turn it to cherishing.
Not why can't you be like them. Instead, name what only your spouse is and gives.
Qur’an and Sunnah
Do not strain your eyes toward what We have given others to enjoy (Qur'an 20:131). Contentment with your own is the guard of the heart.
وَلَا تَمُدَّنَّ عَيۡنَيۡكَ إِلَىٰ مَا مَتَّعۡنَا بِهِۦٓ أَزۡوَٰجࣰ ا مِّنۡهُمۡ زَهۡرَةَ ٱلۡحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡيَا لِنَفۡتِنَهُمۡ فِيهِۚ وَرِزۡقُ رَبِّكَ خَيۡرࣱ وَأَبۡقَىٰ
and do not gaze longingly at what We have given some of them to enjoy, the finery of this present life: We test them through this, but the provision of your Lord is better and more lasting
Qur’an 20:131read it in the library
Translation: M.A.S. Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford University Press, 2004.
What the research says
Commitment grows by cherishing what you have and starves by comparing it to what you do not. Catching the comparison protects the bond.
Gottman, J.; Levenson, R. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, physiology, and health.. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology doi
Interaction patterns and physiological arousal predicting dissolution.
Strength of evidence: research links. Replicated observational or longitudinal work.
Why it works
Cherishing what you have, rather than comparing, is the daily work of commitment.
Where this sits: Gottman method, Share Fondness and Admiration.
This one is still a draft. It is waiting on a scholar and a clinician to read it before it is published.