Inshirahone small thing, well grounded
GuidesPracticesAboutGet help nowInshirah Academy

Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices
Answering bids remove filterA minute remove filterInvolves someone else remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 9Twenty minutes 2
Who it is written for
My husband or wife 9Me 9
On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else
On my own 13Involves someone else 9
Theme · Answering bids
Staying regulated in conflict 14Affection and touch 12Systems for daily life 10The cost of avoiding 9Answering bids 9Listening and understanding 7Medication and how it works 7Grounding and settling 7Repair after rupture 7Treatment and medication 5Knowing your partner 5The moment before you snap 5Structure and routine 4Breathing 4Rituals of connection 4Rebuilding trust 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3Moving your body 3Fondness and admiration 2Gratitude 2Treatment and medication 2Equanimity and perspective 2Making it stick 2Food, caffeine and fuel 2Cool the body first 2Choosing your response 2When everything feels flat 2What anger actually is 2Emotions as signals 2Practising under provocation 2Your sense of time 2Feelings and focus 1Feeling from the inside 1Bringing the future closer 1Being seen and judged 1Ask and say no well 1Validate yourself and others 1Exercise, food and other supports 1The fear underneath anger 1Safety and grounding 1Screens and attention 1Shame and stigma 1Shared spiritual life 1Help someone grieving 1Tolerate distress 1Touch and bodywork 1Obsessions and compulsions 1What you are actually defending 1Breaking the worry loop 1Your nervous system 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Get started 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 6Core 2Gottman 1
When
Under stress 6Something good 2Any ordinary day 1

When your spouse reaches for you today, stop and answer, do not leave them waiting.

The reach may be small: a look, a text, a sigh. Being reachable is the whole thing.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your spouse reaches today, receive it fully instead of deflecting.

Not a joke, not a change of subject. Let the kindness or the bid actually land on you.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:86

Be the first person your spouse wants to tell good news to, by delighting when they do.

Meet their small wins with real, curious gladness, so you stay their first call.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When your spouse is struggling today, be with them in it before offering any solution.

Resist the fix. First that sounds so hard, I am here. Solutions can come later, if at all.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Hear the real question under most conflict: are you there for me? Are you accessible, responsive, and engaged with me?

Beneath the argument about chores or money is an attachment question: can I reach you, do I matter, will you respond when I need you? Answering that…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your partner is distressed, the answer is not a fix but your presence: be with them, feel it with them, stay.

Disconnection is healed less by solving the problem than by emotional presence, being genuinely there, attuned and engaged, so your partner does not…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:46

Let them tell the good story twice.

Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.