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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

6 practices
Repair after rupture remove filterOn my own remove filterAfter a row remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 5Five minutes 1
Who it is written for
Me 6My husband or wife 6
On your own, or with someone · On my own
Involves someone else 9On my own 6
Theme · Repair after rupture
Staying regulated in conflict 17What anger actually is 13The fear underneath anger 12Equanimity and perspective 8Repair after rupture 6Cool the body first 6Choosing your response 5Practising under provocation 4The moment before you snap 4Feelings and focus 3Emotions as signals 3Tolerate distress 3Shame and stigma 3When anger turns to harm 2Treatment and medication 2Your nervous system 2Making it stick 2Bringing the future closer 2Shame 1When you go numb 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Grounding and settling 1Getting assessed and diagnosed 1Fondness and admiration 1What you are actually defending 1What ADHD actually is 1Remembering to do it 1Rebuilding trust 1
Approach
Core 4Emotionally focused 1Gottman 1
When · After a row
After a row 6Any ordinary day 2

Offer a full, tender apology for a wound, with no defence appended.

I see how that hurt you, and I am truly sorry. Then stop. The silence after is the repair.

A minuteRepair after ruptureEmotionally focusedQur’an 42:40

Find the part of the last argument that was yours, and own it with no but after it.

Even ten percent. I was harsh, that was on me. Ownership without defence lets them soften.

A minuteRepair after ruptureGottmanQur’an 7:23

Accept their repair attempt even while you are still a little angry.

Letting a small peace offering land, before you feel finished, is its own kind of strength.

A minuteRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 42:40

Take the word if out of your apology.

An apology with if in it quietly takes itself back; without it, the apology is whole.

A minuteRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 41:34

Let go of one old grievance about something they have already changed.

Holding a debt they have already paid keeps the wound open to no one's good.

A minuteRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 64:14

Apologise for what landed, not for what you meant.

If you owe an apology today, leave out the word "if" and leave out your intentions. Name what you actually did and what it cost them. "I dismissed…

Five minutesRepair after ruptureCoreQur’an 4:128

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.