Practices

Look back at a fight you went out of your way to have and pride is often what was driving. Being right and being respected feel like needs in the moment, and they cost far more than they return.

This changes what there is to work on. Breathing exercises will not touch a fight you are having in order to prove you are somebody. The question…

This is not a milestone you pass. The two year old's version goes, then a version comes back at twenty two, and again at fifty two, wearing whatever clothes that stage of life provides.

So think maintenance rather than course completion. When conditions change, a new baby, a new manager, an illness in the family, expect the old…

Do not say the small unkind thing about them to someone else.

Today, notice the moment when you could make an easy joke at your spouse's expense, to a friend, a sibling, your mother, the group chat. Don't. Say…

Take the sarcasm out of one conversation today.

Contempt is the most corrosive tone in a marriage; its opposite is plain, warm respect.

Do not make the easy joke at their expense to someone else.

Guarding their dignity when they are not in the room is a quiet, powerful loyalty.

Raise the complaint without the words always or never.

One specific moment can be repaired; a sweeping verdict on their character cannot.

Notice the tone you use with them that you would never use with a guest.

The people closest to us too often receive our least careful manners; this gently reverses that.

Carry the rough proportions into every ADHD assessment. Executive function difficulty in the great majority, coordination difficulty in around half, dyslexia in something like a quarter to two fifths. A workup that never asks about handwriting, sport or reading is not finished.

The behaviour problem you were called about is often the visible end of an unidentified reading or coordination difficulty. Ask what PE is like, what…

It runs the other way as well. Among children referred for dyslexia, a sizeable minority also have ADHD and many have coordination difficulties too. Whatever is written on the referral, treat it as one part of the picture.

Where the reading difficulty is severe, motor involvement is more likely to be there alongside it, which is why the first look should be wider than…

Dyspraxia and developmental coordination disorder are the same thing carrying different passports. Search only the American term and you will miss a large European literature on assessing and helping these children.

Search both, and try the older names while you are there. It matters most when you are looking for what actually helps, since much of the…

When a bright, talkative autistic child arrives looking mainly behavioural, look underneath for a coordination or reading difficulty. Once the first label is in place, whatever comes after tends to get filed under it and never assessed on its own.

Watch for the child who does well in conversation and badly on paper, or who is fine in class and miserable at PE. Those gaps are usually a second…

Expect more anxiety, low mood, drinking and drug use in the young people coming through now. And expect the boys to say less about it, so go looking for irritability, trouble and substances instead of waiting to be told.

Ask parents what they are seeing rather than only what they have been told, and ask the young person directly and privately. Screening that rests on…

Keep the tasks short, a couple of minutes each, with results back the same day. A long test given to a child who cannot sustain attention measures how long they can last, not the thing you were trying to measure.

Brevity is not a convenience you are allowing yourself. It is what keeps the data honest, and it keeps the child willing for whatever you ask next.…

Choose the subtests that answer the question you were actually asked, and read whatever reports the family already has before adding anything of your own. Children arrive with thick folders, and they also arrive with nothing at all.

Where occupational therapy, speech and language or neuropsychology have already covered ground, do not cover it again for the sake of a complete…

When you explain executive function to parents and teachers, four words will do: attention, reasoning, speed, memory. Each one can be worked on, and four is a number people can still repeat at the school gate a week later.

The academic models have a dozen headings and nobody outside the field retains them. A short list gives parents something to hang observations on, so…

Two referrals turn up again and again. A young child being asked to leave a school for behaviour, with no developmental or cognitive information anywhere in the file. And a parent saying something is wrong while the school says everything is fine. Both are describing adult frustration rather than a formulation.

In each case the first job is the same: get some data. Not another opinion, not another meeting, but something measured about how this child thinks…

For the child who flies off the handle at noise, labels and crowded rooms, with no autism diagnosis in the picture, a free parent completed sensitivity questionnaire will tell you more than another behaviour chart.

It gives you a structured way to describe the reactivity without reaching for a diagnosis the child may not have, and it points at what to change:…

Run the assessment yourself and watch while they work. Under real effort you will see the small movements, the tics and the overflow that never appear in ordinary conversation, and none of it reaches you if a technician or an app does the testing.

Sit where you can see hands and face. Note what happens as the task gets harder: the tongue that comes out, the leg that starts going, the free hand…

A clinician trained thoroughly in autism and ADHD may know almost nothing about coordination or reading difficulties, and can spend years working above foundations nobody ever checked. Ask yourself which of those categories your own training left out.

Go back over a handful of old cases rather than only reading about it. Where a child made less progress than you expected, ask what you never…

Processing speed is the stubborn one. It shifts a little with repeated, rhythmically paced practice and hardly at all with explanation, so say that to a family at the start rather than when they are disappointed.

Teaching a strategy will not make a slow processor quick, and telling a child to hurry up only makes the work more unpleasant. Graded practice with…