Practices

If tapping feels too jumpy, use the same face points differently. Feel for a tender spot inside the eyebrow, under the eye, or just below the cheekbone towards the nose, then make slow small circles there.

Vary it: lighter, then a little deeper, circling one way and then the other, and see which direction the tissue seems to prefer. Slow steady contact…

Pick one word for what is bothering you and let that word stand in for the whole thing while you do the soothing. You do not have to run the memory to work on it.

The word can be plain: the hospital, that message, Sunday. Bring it to mind once, then let it sit in the background while your hands and your…

Picture somewhere peaceful and then walk in it. Feel the ground under each foot, your legs moving, and count the steps up to twenty.

The counting keeps you there instead of drifting off, and the feet are the important part. A calm scene that stays a picture in your head does very…

Cross your hands to the opposite shoulders and stroke slowly down to your elbows and hands, like a hug you are giving yourself. Three to five strokes, unhurried.

Then, if you want the rest of it: from the middle of your forehead out to the temples and along the hairline to the ears, from the crown down towards…

Pain is rarely one thing. There is the raw sensation, the memory of every other time, how you feel about it now, whether you think you can cope, and what you conclude about yourself.

Pulling those apart is useful because they do not all move together. You may not be able to change the ache itself, and you can often change how…

Ordinary harmless sensation competes with pain on its way up. Rubbing, squeezing or stroking near a sore place gives the nerves plenty of other traffic to carry.

This is why everybody rubs a banged elbow without being taught to. The useful part is that you can do it deliberately: firm strokes along the limb, a…

Squeeze slowly down one arm with the opposite hand, then the other, and work over whatever muscles you can reach. No table, no appointment, nobody else in the room.

Firm and rhythmic beats fiddly. Give the forearms, upper arms, shoulders and thighs a proper squeeze and release, a few seconds each. Doing it…

Something that settles a surge of panic within minutes and something that changes how often the surges come are doing two different jobs. A person can need both, and it helps to say which is which.

The fast option is a rescue. It works quickly, it is meant for the worst moments, and its usefulness is measured in that hour. The slower option is…

How well something works in the moment and whether it is right for the long run are two separate questions. Fast relief is extremely convincing, which is exactly why it is worth pausing over.

When something reliably ends the worst feeling within twenty minutes, what your body learns is to reach for it sooner next time. That is not…

There is an older antihistamine used for anxiety that works by making you drowsy and carries no risk of dependence. It suits a rough stretch, and it is a bridge rather than somewhere to settle.

The costs are the ordinary antihistamine ones: dry mouth, constipation, and for older people a genuine risk of confusion and falls, with effects on…

Wanting it to stop right now is not a character flaw, it is what anxiety does to a person. Saying the hurry out loud, instead of acting on it quietly, keeps it from making the decisions.

That urgency is the reason people creep a dose up, hop between supplements, and abandon anything slow before it has had a chance. Treating the hurry…

When what is keeping you awake or on edge is your situation, a tablet can only do so much. That is not a failure of the medicine and it is certainly not a failure of you.

Noise, an unsafe home, night shifts, someone you are frightened of: none of these are altered by anything you swallow. The medicine may still be…

Somebody will eventually ask you whether you want what is best for your child. It is a sales line, and knowing that in advance is most of what you need to withstand it.

Parents of a newly diagnosed child are frightened, motivated and often exhausted, which is exactly the state that gets marketed to. The question is…

Validate your own feeling first: of course this stung. You do not need permission to feel it.

Do not add self-blame on top of a hard feeling. Let it be real, then decide what to do.

If thoughts of ending your life turn up, tell someone that day. Do not wait to see whether they pass, and do not wait until you can explain them properly.

Feelings can arrive at full volume with ADHD, and the gap between a thought and acting on it can be short, which is why waiting it out alone is the…

What overpowered Darwin at that glass was not the snake. It was his picture of what the snake was about to do, and that is usually what overpowers you too.

Which is oddly hopeful. The thing driving the reaction is a reading of the situation, and readings can be slowed, questioned and sometimes corrected…

The part of you that detects threat is very old and does not take instructions in words. Telling yourself to calm down mostly demonstrates that.

It explains why sensible arguments made to yourself mid-surge do so little. What does reach it goes through the body and through attention: a longer…

There is movement inside the word emotion, which turns out to be a fair description. Something starts moving in you before you have named anything.

The early signs are physical: breath shortening, jaw setting, a leg going, hands doing something they were not doing a minute ago. People who learn…

Anger runs through all of you at once, in the breath, the muscles, the gut and the thinking. Which means there is more than one door into it.

You do not have to win the argument in your head to bring it down. Slowing the out-breath, unclenching your hands, standing up and walking into…

Anger is not a state you sit inside. It is the opening move of a sequence, and a sequence can be interrupted.

Think of it as a run of steps: something lands, the body leans in, the story forms, the mouth opens. Every step is somewhere a wedge can go, and the…