Inshirahone small thing, well grounded
GuidesPracticesAboutGet help nowInshirah Academy

Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

14 practices
Knowing your partner remove filterA minute remove filterMe remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 14Five minutes 8Twenty minutes 3
Who it is written for · Me
My husband or wife 14Me 14
On your own, or with someone
On my own 9Involves someone else 5
Theme · Knowing your partner
Staying regulated in conflict 46The moment before you snap 39Choosing your response 36Cool the body first 33What anger actually is 25Grounding and settling 24Your nervous system 24Medication and how it works 23Bringing the future closer 22Systems for daily life 22Answering bids 22The fear underneath anger 21Get started 20Equanimity and perspective 17Fondness and admiration 15Your sense of time 15Treatment and medication 14Knowing your partner 14Practising under provocation 14Affection and touch 14Repair after rupture 13Making it stick 13Growing empathy 13Feelings and focus 12Touch and bodywork 12Structure and routine 12Food, caffeine and fuel 11Gratitude 9Breathing 9When everything feels flat 8Being seen and judged 8Exercise, food and other supports 8Listening and understanding 8Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Tolerate distress 7Remembering to do it 7What ADHD actually is 7Moving your body 7What worry does 6Shared spiritual life 6Rituals of connection 6Treatment and medication 6What you are actually defending 6Posture and how you carry yourself 5Rebuilding trust 5Screens and attention 5Shame and stigma 5Feeling from the inside 4Question the thought 4Self-compassion 4Name what you feel 3Safety and grounding 3Emotions as signals 3Ride the urge 2Patience and trust 2Obsessions and compulsions 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Validate yourself and others 2Breaking the worry loop 2Shame 2Righteous anger and perfectionism 2Meaning after harm 2Let the wave come 2Working with anger 2Your worth is not conditional 2Hold a boundary 2Facing it a step at a time 2When you use something to cope 2Calm the body 2The cost of avoiding 2Care for yourself in loss 1Help someone grieving 1Get it out of your head 1Act on your values 1Ask and say no well 1When you go numb 1Face it gently 1Listen to the body 1Letting it out safely 1Your window of tolerance 1Rest and pacing 1Panic and the body 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Keep the bond 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 6Gottman 5Core 3
When
Any ordinary day 11Under stress 3

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Say the real thing under the protest today: I need to know you are there for me.

Not a demand, a reach. The plainest words of the heart are the ones that land.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When you are low today, ask your spouse for comfort in plain words.

Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:60

If sharing a real feeling is too scary, start smaller: say out loud just how hard it is to say it.

You do not have to leap straight to the deepest disclosure. Naming the difficulty itself, this is really hard for me to talk about, is a first honest…

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 94:5

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.