Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

11 practices

Knowing your partner A minute Any ordinary day Clear all

How long you have · A minute

A minute 11 Five minutes 6 Twenty minutes 3

Who it is written for

Me 11 My husband or wife 11

On your own, or with someone

On my own 7 Involves someone else 4

Theme · Knowing your partner

Medication and how it works 22 Get started 20 Systems for daily life 20 Bringing the future closer 17 The moment before you snap 16 Structure and routine 16 Your nervous system 15 Fondness and admiration 14 Your sense of time 14 Choosing your response 14 Growing empathy 13 Treatment and medication 13 Knowing your partner 11 Answering bids 11 Staying regulated in conflict 10 Making it stick 9 What anger actually is 9 Exercise, food and other supports 9 Gratitude 9 Food, caffeine and fuel 9 Getting assessed and diagnosed 8 Listening and understanding 8 Cool the body first 8 Touch and bodywork 8 Moving your body 7 What ADHD actually is 7 Grounding and settling 7 Screens and attention 7 Breathing 7 Affection and touch 6 Feelings and focus 6 When everything feels flat 6 Remembering to do it 6 Equanimity and perspective 5 Being seen and judged 5 Treatment and medication 5 The fear underneath anger 5 Shared spiritual life 5 The cost of avoiding 5 Shame and stigma 4 Posture and how you carry yourself 4 Practising under provocation 4 What worry does 3 Emotions as signals 3 Self-compassion 3 Feeling from the inside 3 When you use something to cope 3 Your worth is not conditional 2 Rebuilding trust 2 Tolerate distress 2 Question the thought 2 What you are actually defending 2 Obsessions and compulsions 2 Notice the pattern and flex 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 Facing it a step at a time 2 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Face it gently 1 Keep the bond 1 Breaking the worry loop 1 Panic and the body 1 Repair after rupture 1 Shame 1 Rituals of connection 1 Get it out of your head 1

Approach

Gottman 5 Core 3 Emotionally focused 3

When · Any ordinary day

Any ordinary day 11 Under stress 3

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.