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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

50 practices
Twenty minutes remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
Area
Focus, starting, and ADHD 20Low mood and hard feelings 8Anger 7Your body 7Worry and anxiety 5Your marriage 3
How long you have · Twenty minutes
A minute 257Five minutes 199Twenty minutes 50Longer 18
Who it is written for
A practitioner 47Me 41Someone I care about 34My husband or wife 7
Where you are right now
Struggling right now 40Coping, mostly 9Getting ready for something 1
On your own, or with someone
On my own 31Involves someone else 14Both of us together 5
Theme
Systems for daily life 4Moving your body 3Screens and attention 3Feelings and focus 3Shame 3Choosing your response 2Emotions as signals 2Food, caffeine and fuel 2Cool the body first 2Staying regulated in conflict 2Letting it out safely 2The cost of avoiding 2Your nervous system 2Reading, numbers and learning differences 2Getting assessed and diagnosed 2Answering bids 1What worry does 1Treatment and medication 1Tolerate distress 1Shame and stigma 1Remembering to do it 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Exercise, food and other supports 1Medication and how it works 1Making it stick 1Get started 1Facing it a step at a time 1Equanimity and perspective 1Being seen and judged 1
Approach
ADHD skills 10Medical and treatment 8CBT 7Core 6Gottman 5Body based 5Trauma informed 3Grief 2Emotionally focused 2DBT skills 1Narrative 1
When · Under stress
Any ordinary day 342Under stress 50In a change 27After a row 25Coming and going 16When apart 4Something good 2

When a death is filmed and passed around, some of the people who watch it are not all right afterwards, and a few are put in real danger by it. Ask what has been going round.

The question is simple enough. Has anything about someone dying gone round your school or your feed lately, and did you see it. Then ask how it left…

Twenty minutesScreens and attentionCoreQur’an 6:68

Telling someone it was not their fault often bounces straight off, and there is a reason for that. Self blame can be the safer of the two stories, and you are asking them to give up shelter.

So do not lead with the correction. Say instead that it makes complete sense they landed there, that a child needs their parents to be good more than…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 15:56

Shame works like a lid. While it is on, the anger and the sadness underneath stay out of reach, which is why going straight for them so rarely works.

If you keep trying to cry and nothing comes, or you know you should be furious and feel only flat and small, look at what is sitting on top. Naming…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 12:87

Under most shame something else is waiting: anger at what was done, or grief for what was missed. That is the material worth reaching for.

You will know you are getting close when the flatness starts to move, often as heat in the chest or a lump in the throat. Anger in particular tends…

Twenty minutesShameTrauma informedQur’an 93:8

When a young person with ADHD goes through a first breakup or loses a friendship group, stay closer than usual. Do not wait for the next arranged contact.

Rejection lands harder here, and impulsivity shortens the gap between feeling unbearable and acting on it. A short unannounced check in, a lift…

Twenty minutesShame and stigmaADHD skillsQur’an 39:53

Putting a film on, reading, letting the internet have an hour, all of it counts as a real skill when you choose it on purpose and know what you are choosing it for.

The version that hurts is the one you fall into without deciding and feel ashamed of afterwards. Choosing changes the whole thing: I am not up to…

Twenty minutesTolerate distressDBT skillsQur’an 73:10

If a treatment comes with a contract, take it to a solicitor before signing. Not because you cannot read it, but because that puts a few days between the pitch and your signature.

Being told not to sign rarely helps, and it asks somebody to admit in the moment that they might act rashly, which almost nobody does in front of a…

Twenty minutesTreatment and medicationMedical and treatmentQur’an 65:2

Once the surge is up it takes something like a quarter of an hour to drop, and nothing sensible said inside that window will land. Give it the time first.

This is the point where a parent, a partner or a friend reaches for reasons, and the reasons make it worse. Keep your words few, stay nearby, offer…

Twenty minutesWhat worry doesCBTQur’an 13:28

When you cannot settle yourself, borrow somebody else's steadiness. Sitting near a calm person, even without talking, is a real thing to try.

Choose by effect rather than by closeness. Some people you love leave you more wound up than you started, and some people you barely know are easy to…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 2:248

If you mostly run hot and jumpy, start with slow paced breathing. If you mostly go blank and far away, work that reaches you through sound and voice tends to get further.

The idea is to pick the tool that pulls against your usual tilt. Breathing practice puts the brake back on a system that has lost it. Sound and voice…

Twenty minutesYour nervous systemBody basedQur’an 23:78

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.