Inshirahone small thing, well grounded
GuidesPracticesAboutGet help nowInshirah Academy

Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

14 practices
Knowing your partner remove filterA minute remove filterCoping, mostly remove filterClear all
How long you have · A minute
A minute 14Five minutes 8Twenty minutes 3
Who it is written for
Me 14My husband or wife 14
On your own, or with someone
On my own 9Involves someone else 5
Theme · Knowing your partner
Staying regulated in conflict 46Choosing your response 25Answering bids 22Medication and how it works 18The fear underneath anger 18Bringing the future closer 17The moment before you snap 17Fondness and admiration 15Your nervous system 15Knowing your partner 14Affection and touch 14Equanimity and perspective 14What anger actually is 13Systems for daily life 13Get started 13Repair after rupture 13Cool the body first 12Your sense of time 12Growing empathy 12Treatment and medication 11Structure and routine 10Gratitude 9Grounding and settling 9Feelings and focus 8When everything feels flat 8Listening and understanding 8Getting assessed and diagnosed 7Moving your body 7Exercise, food and other supports 6Making it stick 6Remembering to do it 6Rituals of connection 6Shared spiritual life 6Touch and bodywork 6Emotions as signals 5Being seen and judged 5What you are actually defending 5Screens and attention 5Rebuilding trust 5Treatment and medication 4Shame and stigma 4Breathing 4Food, caffeine and fuel 4Practising under provocation 4Tolerate distress 4Safety and grounding 3The cost of avoiding 3Self-compassion 3What ADHD actually is 3Question the thought 3What worry does 3Name what you feel 3When you use something to cope 3Obsessions and compulsions 2Patience and trust 2Ride the urge 2Let the wave come 2Shame 2Reading, numbers and learning differences 2When anger turns to harm 2Hold a boundary 2Validate yourself and others 2Working with anger 2Your worth is not conditional 2Facing it a step at a time 2Calm the body 2Meaning after harm 2Notice the pattern and flex 2Feeling from the inside 1Act on your values 1Face it gently 1Keep the bond 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Ask and say no well 1Care for yourself in loss 1Panic and the body 1Help someone grieving 1Your window of tolerance 1Righteous anger and perfectionism 1Breaking the worry loop 1Listen to the body 1Get it out of your head 1
Approach
Emotionally focused 6Gottman 5Core 3
When
Any ordinary day 11Under stress 3

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Say the real thing under the protest today: I need to know you are there for me.

Not a demand, a reach. The plainest words of the heart are the ones that land.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When you are low today, ask your spouse for comfort in plain words.

Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:60

If sharing a real feeling is too scary, start smaller: say out loud just how hard it is to say it.

You do not have to leap straight to the deepest disclosure. Naming the difficulty itself, this is really hard for me to talk about, is a first honest…

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 94:5

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.