Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

14 practices

Knowing your partner A minute Clear all

How long you have · A minute

A minute 14 Five minutes 8 Twenty minutes 3

Who it is written for

My husband or wife 14 Me 14

On your own, or with someone

On my own 9 Involves someone else 5

Theme · Knowing your partner

Staying regulated in conflict 46 The moment before you snap 39 Choosing your response 36 Cool the body first 34 Grounding and settling 28 What anger actually is 26 Your nervous system 25 Medication and how it works 25 Systems for daily life 24 Bringing the future closer 22 Answering bids 22 The fear underneath anger 22 Get started 20 Treatment and medication 18 Equanimity and perspective 17 Your sense of time 17 Structure and routine 16 Fondness and admiration 15 Knowing your partner 14 Practising under provocation 14 Growing empathy 14 Affection and touch 14 Making it stick 14 Touch and bodywork 13 Repair after rupture 13 Feelings and focus 12 Getting assessed and diagnosed 11 Food, caffeine and fuel 11 When everything feels flat 9 The cost of avoiding 9 Moving your body 9 Exercise, food and other supports 9 Breathing 9 Gratitude 9 Listening and understanding 8 Tolerate distress 8 Being seen and judged 8 Treatment and medication 8 What ADHD actually is 8 Screens and attention 7 Remembering to do it 7 Rituals of connection 6 Shame and stigma 6 Shared spiritual life 6 What worry does 6 What you are actually defending 6 Feeling from the inside 5 Shame 5 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Rebuilding trust 5 Emotions as signals 5 Self-compassion 4 Question the thought 4 Safety and grounding 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 Facing it a step at a time 3 Name what you feel 3 When you use something to cope 3 Breaking the worry loop 2 Your worth is not conditional 2 Hold a boundary 2 Ride the urge 2 Righteous anger and perfectionism 2 Patience and trust 2 Panic and the body 2 Calm the body 2 Notice the pattern and flex 2 Meaning after harm 2 Validate yourself and others 2 Let the wave come 2 Reading, numbers and learning differences 2 When anger turns to harm 2 Working with anger 2 Help someone grieving 1 Get it out of your head 1 Keep the bond 1 Your window of tolerance 1 Face it gently 1 Letting it out safely 1 Anger, alcohol and the body 1 Listen to the body 1 Care for yourself in loss 1 When you go numb 1 Ask and say no well 1 Act on your values 1 Rest and pacing 1

Approach

Emotionally focused 6 Gottman 5 Core 3

When

Any ordinary day 11 Under stress 3

Tune to what your spouse is feeling under their words today, and name it gently.

It sounds like that scared you. Responsiveness is meeting the feeling, not just the fact.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Say the real thing under the protest today: I need to know you are there for me.

Not a demand, a reach. The plainest words of the heart are the ones that land.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

Be the first to lower your guard today, even a little, and say something true and soft.

Someone has to move first. Let it be you, with one honest, undefended sentence.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:44

Find the longing under your complaint, and voice the longing instead.

Under you are never home is I miss you, I want more of you. Say the wish, not the jab.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When you are low today, ask your spouse for comfort in plain words.

Can you just hold me a minute. Asking directly is braver, and far more likely to work.

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 40:60

If sharing a real feeling is too scary, start smaller: say out loud just how hard it is to say it.

You do not have to leap straight to the deepest disclosure. Naming the difficulty itself, this is really hard for me to talk about, is a first honest…

A minuteKnowing your partnerEmotionally focusedQur’an 94:5

Ask your spouse what is weighing on them this week, and remember the answer.

Not how was your day. What is heavy right now. Then carry a corner of it in your mind.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Notice one way your spouse has changed lately, and let your picture of them catch up.

People keep becoming someone new. Ask about the new thing rather than assuming the old.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 13:28

Learn the one part of your spouse's day that drains them most, and lighten it if you can.

The commute, the boss, the bedtime hour. Know the pinch point, then ease it by a little.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 9:71

Keep in mind one small thing that matters to your spouse, and act on it unprompted.

The tea they like, the worry they mentioned, the date they dread. Remember, then show it.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:152

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 30:21

Reference something they told you last week, unprompted.

Remembering the small details of their life is quiet proof that they were truly heard.

A minuteKnowing your partnerCoreQur’an 4:19

Do not win in a way that crushes your partner's dream. Aim for a marriage where you support each other's dreams.

Being right is worthless if it flattens the person you love. Look for how both dreams can be honored.

A minuteKnowing your partnerGottmanQur’an 2:187

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.