Practices

Hold their hand while you talk about something completely ordinary.

Touch with no request attached is a language of safety all its own.

When they are upset, move physically closer before you say anything.

Nearness often comforts before any words can, and asks nothing in return.

Make them laugh once today, on purpose.

Shared lightness is not frivolous; it is a thread that keeps two people close.

Do one small, slightly ridiculous thing together.

A shared bit of play refreshes a couple more than another serious conversation can.

Being cornered is a trigger all by itself. If you want somebody to come down, hand back a little freedom: a clear way out of the room, a choice about where to sit, some say in when this gets talked about.

Watch how fast things escalate the moment a person cannot move, cannot leave, cannot decide anything. It is not stubbornness, it is an old alarm…

When someone comes at you angry, listen for the fear in it. It changes what you say next, and it changes what their anger does to you.

A raised voice usually produces apprehension, and apprehension makes people stiffen or back away. Hearing frightened rather than hostile leaves you…

Let them tell the good story twice.

Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

Do not only correct the thought, correct the sentence. Rather than do not shout at me, try can you take those off, I want to talk to you.

Telling yourself to stay calm gives you nothing to do, and the ready-made sharp line is still the only thing in your mouth. A plain request gives all…

If you are helping someone set up a practice like this, ask them for ideas before you offer yours. Keep a few in your back pocket for when they run dry.

What people invent for themselves fits their actual life, and they are far more likely to do it. Have suggestions ready anyway, because a brainstorm…

Offer a practice as a question rather than an instruction. What do you think it would be like to wake yourself up once a day? That is a very different sentence from you should.

People argue with instructions, particularly people who were sent rather than came. A question leaves them to make the case, and the case they make…

When someone protests that swallowing their feelings is unnatural, agree with them, because it is. Then add the part they have not said: it is also necessary, and there are better ways to do it than swallowing.

Arguing that calm comes naturally costs you your credibility in a single sentence. Conceding the true half leaves nothing to defend, and the…

A story that grips one person can harm another. Before reaching for something graphic to make a point, be sure you know who is in front of you.

Shocking images work because they stick, which is exactly the danger for someone who has hurt themselves before or who thinks about it when things go…

When you explain executive function to parents and teachers, four words will do: attention, reasoning, speed, memory. Each one can be worked on, and four is a number people can still repeat at the school gate a week later.

The academic models have a dozen headings and nobody outside the field retains them. A short list gives parents something to hang observations on, so…

For the child who flies off the handle at noise, labels and crowded rooms, with no autism diagnosis in the picture, a free parent completed sensitivity questionnaire will tell you more than another behaviour chart.

It gives you a structured way to describe the reactivity without reaching for a diagnosis the child may not have, and it points at what to change:…

Before intensive work ends, turn what you have learned about a child's thinking into things a teacher can actually do on a Tuesday morning. That translation is what decides whether any of the gains survive going back to school.

A profile written for clinicians is no use in a classroom of thirty. Give three or four concrete actions instead: where this child sits, how…

Praise a quality of their character, not only something they did.

To be admired for who you are, not just what you produced, is a rare and steadying gift.

Telling someone they have changed their brain lands harder than telling them they have changed their mind. That is worth knowing, and worth handling carefully.

Brain language feels solid and permanent, so a person can lean on it. That same weight is why it should not be stretched: promising rewiring you…

Ask a follow-up question instead of offering your own view.

Curiosity says you are still worth discovering; advice can quietly say the opposite.

Ask what makes them feel most cared for, and then believe the answer.

Our usual gestures are often for the person we imagine, not the one in front of us.