Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

11 practices

Answering bids Involves someone else Clear all

How long you have

A minute 9 Twenty minutes 2

Who it is written for

My husband or wife 11 Me 11

On your own, or with someone · Involves someone else

On my own 13 Involves someone else 11

Theme · Answering bids

Medication and how it works 61 Systems for daily life 37 The cost of avoiding 36 Screens and attention 26 Staying regulated in conflict 24 Moving your body 21 Treatment and medication 20 Knowing your partner 15 Exercise, food and other supports 15 Rebuilding trust 14 Affection and touch 13 Feelings and focus 13 What ADHD actually is 13 What anger actually is 13 Listening and understanding 12 Your sense of time 11 Rituals of connection 11 Your nervous system 11 Breaking the worry loop 11 Answering bids 11 Repair after rupture 11 Facing it a step at a time 10 The moment before you snap 10 Structure and routine 10 What worry does 10 Shared spiritual life 10 Food, caffeine and fuel 10 Getting assessed and diagnosed 10 Grounding and settling 9 Bringing the future closer 9 Equanimity and perspective 7 When everything feels flat 7 Get started 7 Treatment and medication 7 Growing empathy 7 Emotions as signals 7 Cool the body first 7 Choosing your response 7 Breathing 7 Remembering to do it 6 Reading, numbers and learning differences 6 Posture and how you carry yourself 5 Shame and stigma 5 When you use something to cope 5 Tolerate distress 4 Touch and bodywork 4 Making it stick 3 Practising under provocation 3 Being seen and judged 3 Righteous anger and perfectionism 3 Panic and the body 3 Obsessions and compulsions 3 The fear underneath anger 2 What you are actually defending 2 Help someone grieving 2 Fondness and admiration 2 Shame 2 Gratitude 2 Rest and pacing 2 Feeling from the inside 2 Ask and say no well 2 When you go numb 1 Validate yourself and others 1 Safety and grounding 1 Living with uncertainty 1

Approach

Emotionally focused 6 Gottman 3 Core 2

When

Under stress 7 Any ordinary day 2 Something good 2

When your spouse reaches for you today, stop and answer, do not leave them waiting.

The reach may be small: a look, a text, a sigh. Being reachable is the whole thing.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your spouse reaches today, receive it fully instead of deflecting.

Not a joke, not a change of subject. Let the kindness or the bid actually land on you.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 4:86

Be the first person your spouse wants to tell good news to, by delighting when they do.

Meet their small wins with real, curious gladness, so you stay their first call.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 25:74

When your spouse is struggling today, be with them in it before offering any solution.

Resist the fix. First that sounds so hard, I am here. Solutions can come later, if at all.

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:159

Hear the real question under most conflict: are you there for me? Are you accessible, responsive, and engaged with me?

Beneath the argument about chores or money is an attachment question: can I reach you, do I matter, will you respond when I need you? Answering that…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 2:186

When your partner is distressed, the answer is not a fix but your presence: be with them, feel it with them, stay.

Disconnection is healed less by solving the problem than by emotional presence, being genuinely there, attuned and engaged, so your partner does not…

A minuteAnswering bidsEmotionally focusedQur’an 20:46

Let them tell the good story twice.

Sharing a joy and being met with delight makes the joy larger and the bond warmer.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 30:21

Ask which kind of support they want today rather than deciding for them.

Sometimes it is help, sometimes only company; asking spares you both the wrong gift.

A minuteAnswering bidsCoreQur’an 42:38

When your partner is up against something, take their side: this is our problem, we will face it together.

Even if you see the other side, do not side with the enemy against your partner. Stand with them first.

A minuteAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 9:71

Once today, ask about a stress from outside the two of you, then just listen. No fixing.

Twenty minutes on their side. Your only job is to understand and be on their team.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 30:21

Once a day, take turns unloading the day's outside stress while the other just listens and supports, not fixes.

Ten minutes each on stress from beyond the relationship. The listener gives empathy, not solutions.

Twenty minutesAnswering bidsGottmanQur’an 5:2

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.