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Practices

Every practice in the library, in one list. Narrow it by how long you have, who it is written for, and where you are right now.

Narrowed down

9 practices
Staying regulated in conflict remove filterOn my own remove filterUnder stress remove filterClear all
How long you have
A minute 6Five minutes 3
Who it is written for
Me 9My husband or wife 9
On your own, or with someone · On my own
Involves someone else 11On my own 9
Theme · Staying regulated in conflict
Cool the body first 30The moment before you snap 30Grounding and settling 27Choosing your response 26Touch and bodywork 22Your nervous system 20What anger actually is 18The fear underneath anger 15Equanimity and perspective 14Breathing 10Tolerate distress 10Feelings and focus 9Staying regulated in conflict 9Feeling from the inside 8Medication and how it works 7Practising under provocation 7Moving your body 7Making it stick 6Systems for daily life 6Bringing the future closer 6Food, caffeine and fuel 5What worry does 5Shame 5Breaking the worry loop 5Question the thought 5Letting it out safely 4When everything feels flat 4Treatment and medication 4Facing it a step at a time 4What you are actually defending 4Get started 4Shame and stigma 4Calm the body 3Emotions as signals 3Growing empathy 3Let the wave come 3Name what you feel 3Obsessions and compulsions 3Posture and how you carry yourself 3Righteous anger and perfectionism 3Working with anger 3Your sense of time 2Screens and attention 2Safety and grounding 2Ride the urge 2Patience and trust 2Exercise, food and other supports 2Meaning after harm 2Knowing your partner 2Getting assessed and diagnosed 2When you use something to cope 2Being seen and judged 2Answering bids 2When anger turns to harm 2Self-compassion 2Listen to the body 1Reading, numbers and learning differences 1Validate yourself and others 1What ADHD actually is 1Act on your values 1Remembering to do it 1Rebuild trust 1Your window of tolerance 1Affection and touch 1Anger, alcohol and the body 1Panic and the body 1The cost of avoiding 1Care for yourself in loss 1
Approach
Core 3Gottman 3Emotionally focused 3
When · Under stress
After a row 17Under stress 9Any ordinary day 9Coming and going 1

Before your next move in a fight, take one slow breath and choose it on purpose.

One breath is a doorway between the trigger and the reaction. Step through it.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:134

In the split second before you shut down or snap, notice the hurt or fear that flashed through you, and hold onto it.

Reactions like going cold or hitting back happen fast, but just before them is a brief flash of a deeper feeling: defeat, fear, hopelessness.…

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 3:119

Before you reply to something that stung, quietly rate how stirred up you are, one to ten.

Naming the number makes the feeling something you are watching, rather than something driving you.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:134

Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, six slow times, before you answer.

A longer out-breath settles the body first, so your words come from a calmer place.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 42:37

Give any reply to a difficult message a full hour before you send it.

An hour is usually enough for the sting to fade and your kinder, clearer self to return.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictCoreQur’an 3:134

When you spot a fault in your partner, look for it in yourself; when you claim a virtue, look for it in them.

This assumption of similarity keeps you humble and softens contempt in the middle of a disagreement.

A minuteStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 53:32

When it heats up today, slow everything down: your voice, your breath, your pace.

Speed is the fuel of a fight. Halve your tempo and the heat drops with it.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictEmotionally focusedQur’an 7:199

When you feel flooded today, name it and take a real break before you say a word.

Racing heart, tight chest, that is the signal. Step away, breathe, come back when steady.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 7:199

On a break, do not rehearse how wronged you are. Let the grievance go and let your body settle.

Thoughts like I do not have to take this keep you flooded. Turn to something calming instead.

Five minutesStaying regulated in conflictGottmanQur’an 13:28

Looking for a whole subject rather than a single practice? Start from the nine areas.