Practices

Whatever you reach for is probably doing something real for you. Naming that job honestly gets you further than calling yourself weak.

Researchers take the relief seriously enough to study the same receptor systems as possible medicines, which tells you it was never imaginary. So ask…

If you smoked or drank during a pregnancy and have spent years holding yourself responsible for how your child turned out, you are allowed to put some of that down.

The picture is genuinely tangled. The same traits run in families, so a parent is both more likely to pass something on and more likely to have been…

If telling your doctor or midwife what you are using feels impossible, you can ask someone you already trust to pass it on for you, with your permission and in your words.

People often stay quiet with the very clinician who could help, because saying it out loud feels heavier than the problem does. Handing the message…

Repetition is what makes anything stick, and it does not check whether the thing is good for you. That is most of what addiction is.

It is the same machinery that lets somebody pick up a language or a trade, running in the part of the brain built for wanting rather than the part…

Drink can make talking easy and still leave you with friendships that feel like nothing. Worth noticing which of those two you actually came for.

One young woman put it plainly: drinking took away the worry about what she was saying, and the people she grew close to were mostly the ones she…

With vaping the pull is often not the hit at all. It is knowing the thing is there in your pocket if you need it.

One fifteen year old described it exactly that way: the comfort was that she could, not that she did. If that is your pattern the work sits in two…

Sometimes the drinking or the smoking is not the first problem at all. It is somebody's own treatment for an attention difficulty or an anxiety nobody has looked at yet.

You can usually tell from what it is used for: to speak in a group, to sit still long enough to work, to sleep. Where that is the shape of it, work…

Draw your own chart of the moment you usually give in, with the questions you actually ask yourself, and put it where you will see it.

One woman smoking around ten bowls a day made hers as a set of branches: is it a working day, have I been to work, are the errands done, are the…

If cutting down has failed over and over, that is information rather than a verdict on you. For some people the workable goal turns out to be none rather than less.

Starting young makes this more likely, and the earlier the heavy use began the harder the road back to casual use tends to be. Nobody enjoys hearing…

Choose one person and tell them you will send the finished thing by a set time. Not a conversation about how it is going, just the file, the photo, or the word done.

The sending is the whole mechanism, so keep it small and exact: what, and by when. It does not have to be someone qualified to judge the work, and it…

With attention difficulties the organising side often runs a few years behind the birthday. A nineteen year old may be running life more like a sixteen year old, and that is a lag rather than a verdict.

Set expectations against where someone actually is instead of what year they were born in. That way the support that felt normal at school does not…

If you cannot start, the step is too big. Shrink it until it sounds daft: open the document, write the date, put one plate in the sink.

The catch is that the daft step has to be the whole of what you agreed to do, not a trick for getting yourself to do the enormous thing. Most days…

Put something you genuinely want at the end of the chain, and keep it where you can see it. A reward far off in the future is much the same as no reward at all.

Name it before you begin and write it at the top of the page. Keep it close: this evening rather than next term. It does not have to be impressive.…

Putting something in the diary does not guarantee it happens. It gives it a chance it did not have before. That is the honest promise, and it is still worth having.

Expect a fair few blocks to pass unused, particularly in the first month. That is not the system failing, it is the system doing what it does, which…

Every time your eye lands on the job you have never started, it takes a small toll. Ten of those on one list is a tax you pay all day without noticing.

This is the argument for cutting a list back hard, and it has nothing to do with tidiness. An item you are not going to do still costs you something…

If everything came apart the moment school ended, it may be that the structure was never yours. It belonged to the timetable, and the timetable stopped.

School decides when you get up, what happens next and when the work is due, so nobody ever finds out whether the person can build a week from…

A young person hears the fear in a house even when nobody says anything. If the adults are frightened about their future, they usually take that fear as a verdict on themselves.

If you are the worried parent, you do not have to perform calm. It works better to say the true version out loud: I am anxious about this, the…

If a course has no fixed time, give it one. Write down which day and which hour you will watch it, put that in the calendar as though somebody else set it, and tell one person.

Five minutes every Sunday: when am I watching this, and when am I doing the work that comes after it. Then one short message midweek to whoever is…

Writing the list is the easy half. If twelve things are down on paper and you still cannot move, the missing skill is choosing, not capturing.

Decide with a question rather than by feel: what actually happens if this is not done by Friday. Anything with a real consequence goes to the top,…

There is a corner of the week that is neither urgent nor important, and it is where avoiding lives. The real cost is rarely the lost hours. It is what you end up saying to yourself afterwards.

Learn the difference between resting and avoiding, because from outside they look identical and they feel nothing alike. Rest leaves you lighter.…